


Some Day

by xwiltedflowerx



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, First Kiss, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Hogwarts, Implied Sexual Content, Kidnapping, M/M, Marauders, Mutual Pining, Peter Pettigrew is a Little Shit, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Torture, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:29:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 25,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29753400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xwiltedflowerx/pseuds/xwiltedflowerx
Summary: Maybe if Sirius Black wished for it hard enough, Remus Lupin would be his. If only his family wasn't caught up in an old rivalry resurfacing...
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (Marauders era Hogwarts reimagined with no Voldy cause... no one wants Voldy messing with the boys - I just want them to have the happy ending they deserve)
> 
> WARNING : GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, SELF-HARM AND MENTIONS OF SUICIDAL TENDENCIES. If you're going through tough times, or fighting depression or a similar mental disorder, please be safe ♡
> 
> This book contains smoking scenes. That doesn't mean that I condone smoking, or any kind of self destructive behaviour. I have enough respect for my readers to believe that they won't let a piece of fanfiction they found online sway them into such things.
> 
> This story also contains material that certain individuals may find triggering such as self harm, abuse and eating disorders. If there's particularly triggering content or sensitive topics in a given story part, I will be denoting that with an asterisk (*) at the end of the chapter title.
> 
> Example : Chapter 10*
> 
> Stay safe, please ♡
> 
> (Also, it's gay. Not sorry if that bothers you.)
> 
> (And really fucking sad. Like, really really sad. But it has a happy ending, if you wanna stick around for that. I warned you.)
> 
> Your support really means a lot to me. If you enjoy reading, please don't forget to vote and comment xx

_"But we'll always have each other, won't we?"_

Remus stared up at the night sky above him. There was no moon that night, and there were no stars. A faint amber glow lit the horizon, drowning the stars that would've otherwise governed that sky.

London was no place for stargazing.

But what did Remus care for stars? The only one he needed was nowhere nearby, nowhere he knew. Maybe if he stared at the sky for a little while longer, Sirius would appear in front of him. Maybe if he wished for it hard enough, Sirius would hear him and apparate to right where he was.

But he didn't. Remus sighed, wishing he had an owl. This mandatory separation, it wasn't fair.

"One more week," he whispered to himself, standing up from porch where he'd been sitting. "Just one more week."

***

Remus thought he would get used to driving himself through a wall. He had done it once a year, six times in total. But he never did come to terms with it. He just couldn't, no matter how many young wizards and witches he'd seen casually walk right into it, not even batting an eye.

"Remus!" A jovial call.

Remus spun around to see a boy with dishevelled raven hair wheeling a trolley with a massive suitcase. He was bright, bright, bright, lighting up the whole station with his wide, wide grin.

"I called you twice, didn't you hear?" James Potter was by no means quiet. In fact, Remus doubted there was anyone capable of surpassing James in sound intensity. "I didn't hear you," he shrugged.

"Let's go in! Sirius must be waiting on the other side. He's usually here by now," James grinned. Remus took a moment to try and remember if there had ever been a day when James was not sporting that grin. He could recall none.

"Where's Peter?" He asked, and James shrugged. "Probably waiting for us in the train already," he laughed.

"He wouldn't dare get on the train without you," Remus felt his face break into a wide smile. He couldn't help it. Trying not to smile around James was like trying to hold your breath. You had to give in at some point.

The two walked into platform nine-and-three-quarters, and Remus felt his chest compress a little. He would see Sirius again. The general rule was to not think of Sirius until Remus saw him. It worked. Most of the time.

But now he was going to see him, probably leaning against a wall and scowling at the first years. Or trying to look uninterested as his little brother got into the train with his Slytherin friends. Or listening to Peter gush about the new wizard he found in a chocolate frog. Or maybe, just maybe, waiting for Remus.

"Look, there's Lily!" James waved at a red-haired girl standing with a group of other seventh year Gryffindors. She spared a lazy glance in their general direction, but smiled at Remus.

"That's just... unnecessarily rude," James pouted. Remus kept looking around, trying to spot his best friend. _Where is he? He's always here first._

"Looking for Sirius?" Remus blinked once, and turned to look at Peter Pettigrew who had just crossed over. "And you," James slung his arm over Peter's neck. Peter beamed up at him. Remus could swear Peter was a five year old stuck in an ageing body. "Well, he's not anywhere to be seen, is he?" Peter asked, also gliding his eyes across the crowd.

"Say what, Pete. Why don't you go find us a place to sit, and me and Remus will stay back and wait for Pads?" James finally broke the silence which had befallen the three friends.

Padfoot was what they called Sirius Black. The Sirius Black who was now almost alarmingly late. The train would be leaving in ten minutes.

Remus saw Peter run towards the far end of the train, his bag dragging behind him. He kept his eyes glued to the wall.

_Sirius, where are you?_

"Why do you look so nervous? He'll be here soon, Moony," James gave him a gentle nudge in the side, and Remus briefly looked at him. "He's never late, James," he sighed, feeling almost dejected. The entirety of vacation he had spent trying not to miss Sirius, and each minute's delay in seeing him felt like another punch in the gut.

"There he is!" James cried out, but Remus shook his head. It was only Regulus Black, Sirius' brother who'd been sorted into Slytherin. Behind him was Orion Black, of course, showing everyone around that this was _his_ son, a proud Slytherin like his entire family. Not sorted into ludicrous Gryffindor like his disgrace of a son Sirius. This was Regulus, and Orion was his father. Proud and tall.

With just five minutes before the train would leave, Regulus climbed in. Orion Black swept the crowd with his proud glare, and walked back into Muggle London. Several other students rushed in, scrambling to get to the train, bidding hasty goodbyes to their parents who stared after them.

The train blew its whistle. Remus felt sick beside James, and didn't even realise that he had gripped James' arm until James turned to him. "This better not be a joke," James murmured with narrowed eyes, but couldn't hide the worry in his voice.

_Sirius, where are you?_

After what felt like an eternity, and an eternity more, finally, _finally_ Sirius Black walked in, as cool as a cucumber with his long hair flowing behind him.

His bag was floating beside him, guided by his wand. He gave his friends a lazy smile. "My dear Prongs and Moony," he made an elaborate show of bowing. "Honoured to see you've been waiting for me." His grey eyes sparkled as they landed on Remus, but Remus felt frozen. Sirius Black had changed so much.

Was he that pale when they last saw each other in June? Why were his cheekbones so defined? _It was attractive, sure, but..._

"First, we get on the train," James interrupted, and Remus took a step back. The three friends ran into the train, getting into the compartment from which Peter had been tirelessly calling for them while waving like a madman.

The doors slammed shut as Sirius stumbled in, and he flew into James, who in turn went crashing on to the floor. The two lay there for a second, stunned, before all four boys burst out laughing. They laughed and laughed and laughed, like a gang of boys up to no good. Boys carrying the weight of nothing but love.

When Sirius wouldn't get up even after James had gotten comfortable on his seat next to Peter, Remus offered him his hand. He almost sighed when he felt Sirius' warm hand clasp his, but raised an eyebrow when he made no effort to stand up.

Sirius shot him another of those lazy smiles, the ones where his lips would turn up just at one corner, parted just enough to show his white teeth, and his eyelids closed halfway. It made him look as if he was daydreaming of spring flowers and chamomile tea.

Rolling his eyes, Remus pulled him up. Had Sirius not looked at Remus like that, like Remus was his whole world, Remus would've gasped out at how light Sirius was. Under the long sleeve of his coat, Sirius' wrist felt like a stick. All hard bone, but no flesh.

Remus sat down across James and pulled his legs up. Peter was already showing Sirius _three_ new wizards he'd got from chocolate frogs. Sirius, now flopped down on James' lap, stretched his legs and kicked his shoes off. One of them went flying and hit a window.

With his legs casually resting on Peter's lap, Sirius listened to the latter with what seemed like indifference. But they all knew Sirius was drinking every word in, like he always did when one of them was speaking.

After what seemed like three hours of Peter raving about the new wizards, there was a second of silence. Sirius took it as a chance to reach inside his coat, and pulled out a small card.

"Here, now you have _four_ new wizards," his lips curved into a small smile as he handed it to Peter. Remus couldn't help smiling when he saw the exchange. Peter almost broke out into a sob, and hugged Sirius so tight that Sirius dropped his wand.

Remus wished Sirius would come sit next to him. Hadn't he missed Remus? But of course Sirius would sit with James. They were best friends. Brothers. Inseparable once they found each other. At Hogwarts, rarely could you see one without the other. It was beautiful to watch.

But Remus really did wish Sirius would come sit with him. He looked out of the window, not trying to make out James and Sirius were talking about in low voices. He was almost completely asleep when he felt someone sit next to him.

"Sirius," he mumbled, rubbing his face. He could feel the scars there, which almost made him look down, but he stopped himself. Sirius had seen them before. _Everyone_ had. Remus stretched himself, and saw Sirius flinch when his knuckles cracked.

"Remus," Sirius tilted his head. Remus almost choked when he saw that Sirius had his hair pulled back in the messiest bun possible, held in place by his wand tucked through -of course he would do that, of course- and a couple stubborn locks falling into his pale face.

He looked so pretty like that, but why did he look so tired?

"Missed me?" Sirius finally asked, that lazy smile gracing his lips again.

_You have no idea._

"You wish."


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius was leaning against a wall facing the portrait of the Fat Lady, hands tucked in his pockets. He was shielded from the eyes of the other students by a massive shadow casted by a suit of armour. He maintained a fair distance away from the entrance of the Gryffindor common room, not all that excited about coming close to the first years.

He was not waiting for them.

He watched the students scramble in, and finally he managed to see Remus at the end of the line. A small boy was clinging to Remus' hand, looking more terrified than excited. Sirius watched Remus gently push the boy in.

"Already taking your duties to heart, I see," he finally spoke up. Sirius was not surprised that Remus Lupin was chosen as a Gryffindor prefect. The post suited him well.

Remus whirled around, startled. "Sirius," he breathed in, eyes finally fixing on the pale boy hidden in a shadow.

Sirius took a step forward, into the light. "Want to go for a walk?"

Remus looked as if he wanted to protest, but looking at Sirius once again, he nodded his head. "Not too long, though."

The two boys walked out of the front doors into the cool September night. Turning his head to look at Remus, Sirius finally noticed how tall Remus had got over the past couple months. Sirius was barely above his shoulder.

The two walked in silence until they reached the Forbidden Forest. "No, Sirius," Remus shook his head, making Sirius laugh. "I agree. I'm not in the mood for trouble tonight," he grabbed Remus' hand and pulled him down to sit under a tree.

"Just needed a smoke," he tried to lean his head against the trunk of the tree, but the messy bun at the nape of his neck was getting in the way. Sirius would've got his hair cut long ago had it not looked so good. He couldn't, and wouldn't deny its effect on his already good looks.

"A smoke, huh?" Remus turned his head to look at Sirius, who was now trying to get comfortable. "Wait, let me..." Remus murmured, pulling Sirius' wand out of his hair, freeing his thick curls from their confines.

"Thanks, Moony," Sirius placed his wand on the grass beside him and pulled out a packet of cigarettes. Of all the things Muggles had come up with, cigarettes had to be one of the best.

"Wanna do the honours?" Sirius held a cigarette out at Remus, who, with a flick of his wand, shot a small flame at the cigarette. Sirius couldn't help smiling at the way he flicked his wrist.

Sirius looked up at the sky. He was suddenly filled with a sadness so heavy that he almost cried out. The stars were bright and beautiful, but his chest felt so tight. So he focused on Remus. His warmth, and how their shoulders were pressed together.

Sirius could feel Remus' concerned gaze on him, but he closed his eyes and took a long drag anyway. It felt good in his body.

Sirius wished he could tell Remus everything. Everything good and everything bad, although the latter outweighed the former alarmingly. But Sirius had never been very good with words. The only words he could get perfect were spells. Magic ran in his blood. Magic worth generations upon generations coursed through his veins. But that didn't make talking any easier.

"How were your transformations?" He finally rasped out, and Remus shot him a bored look. "Quite good. Fantastic, actually," he rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Sirius let out a guilty sigh, and took another drag. "I just didn't know what to say," he whispered, letting a stream of grey smoke out of his lips. "Then don't say anything," Remus offered, and Sirius wondered whether he should be offended at how indifferent Remus sounded.

It was getting cold. Sirius decided to take Remus' advice. Closing his eyes, he shifted a little closer, and Remus didn't move away when Sirius leaned his head on his shoulder.

Instead, Sirius felt the cigarette leave his fingers. He wanted to protest, but only opened his eyes to watch Remus put it out against the grass.

"It's not good for you, Sirius," Remus threw it away. "I know," Sirius sighed, closing his eyes again. They stayed quiet for a while. It was Remus who broke the silence after some minutes.

"At home... is everything..."

"It's getting worse. So much worse," Sirius whispered. Unlike the year before, he had not spent the vacation at James'. He had stayed at home. _Big mistake._

Sirius didn't understand how such animosity could rise from his own family. His blood. Wasn't that what mattered the most? Wasn't family more important than anything? Didn't family always come first?

Not with the Blacks, no. Apparently fucking not.

"Sirius..."

"No, it's okay. I... I'm here now. I'm alright," he smiled. A moment later, before Remus could respond, he added, "You've grown taller."

"So I've gathered," Remus laughed, and gave Sirius' hair a ruffle. It now flowed a little past his shoulders in soft waves. "I see you've found a way to repurpose your wand."

Sirius burst into a quiet laugh. "Do you like it?" He asked, opening his eyes to look at Remus.

"I do. You look good like that," Remus said, and Sirius suddenly became aware of how close there faces were. Remus' chin was almost grazing his forehead. He pulled himself away.

"Thank you," he breathed out, and cleared his throat. "We should... we should get back to our dorms. You're a prefect now, we can't have you getting into trouble." Picking his wand up, he stood, and stretched himself.

The two boys fell into a slow stroll, the wind whipping at them as they made their way back inside. And when they moved a little closer to each other because of the cold, maybe the stars above them burned just a little brighter.


	3. Chapter 3

Remus tried not to take it to heart when Sirius and James didn't appear at Transfiguration. Instead, he made himself concentrate on McGonagall's voice.

When they also failed to show at Herbology, he had to try a little harder. At least he had Peter for company.

After Herbology was Arithmancy, which Sirius took but James didn't. And when Remus walked in, the classroom was empty. Empty except for a boy sitting at the back with his legs stretched out on the desk.

His head was tossed back, hair twisted in what one had to be quite generous to call a bun. He was twirling his wand between the fingers of his right hand, his left hand resting on the desk with a lit cigarette clutched in his fingers.

Remus tried not to look at the angle of his jaw, or the exposed skin of his neck. He cleared his throat. Sirius pulled himself straight, and threw a lazy glance his way.

"Moony, hello," he took a drag from his cigarette. Remus frowned. "Put that away, Sirius," he all but growled. Anyone could walk in. Soon, the other students would be there.

"Or what? Will you take away five points from Gryffindor?"

"No, I'd take ten," Remus strode towards Sirius, and pointed his wand at the dreaded object. Sirius sighed when it burst into a cloud of bright blue sparks. "And get your feet off the desk," Remus added, pushing Sirius' legs off the desk, at which Sirius let out a small cry of protest.

Perhaps Remus wouldn't have been so angry if Sirius had turned up for his classes in the morning. In any case, Remus didn't see why he and James had to insist on being so... so _vexatious._

"Remus," Sirius stood up, and grabbed the taller by his hand. Remus tugged it free. "Oh come on, Moony. Is this about us missing lessons? I thought you'd be used to it by now," Sirius grinned, grabbing Remus' hand again. This time, Sirius pulled Remus towards the door.

"No, Sirius! I don't care if you want to miss your lessons, but I care about mine," Remus tried in vain to free himself, "Let. Me. Go!"

"Oh, do quiet down, will you? You're not going to miss anything. I'm sure they'll be cancelled anyway," Remus was positive he didn't like how Sirius' grey eyes sparkled with mischief.

"What did you do?" He asked, letting Sirius pull him along the corridors. He winced when a woman in a painting screamed at them. Remus could make out the roar of students talking in the distance, and it became louder and louder until they reached an open hall. The students were crowded around something tall, laughing and pointing.

_Is that a troll?_

Sirius dove into the crowd, dragging Remus along to get him a better view.

At the centre of the hall was, sure enough, a troll dressed with what seemed to be Professor McGonagall's beloved pointy hat on its head, dangling the poor janitor, Filch, by his leg.

Remus almost slapped Sirius, but couldn't help letting out a small laugh when the troll gave the old man a rather violent shake. Filch was a man as hard to like as it was hard to stay angry at Sirius and James.

"Students! Silence!" Professor McGonagall's voice rang out from the far end of the hall. "To your dorms! Now!"

The students immediately fell silent, and started to scatter, but not without stealing brief glances at Filch, who was bellowing curses. Before Professor McGonagall could spot them, Remus dragged a hysterical Sirius away, trying not laugh himself.

***

It took some time for James and Peter to appear in their common room, along with a flock of other Gryffindors. Until then, Sirius continued laughing and Remus continued trying to tell him how dangerous it was to bring a _troll_ into the school.

 _"What if your spell broke? What if it dropped Filch? What if you get caught? They could_ expel _you!"_

"We won't get caught," James slapped Remus' back as soon as he reached them. "Right, Pads?"

"Of course we won't? When have we ever?" Sirius grinned, shaking his hair lose. Remus stared at him for a second, and then choked out, "Only at least a dozen times,"

James rolled his eyes. "Moony, you're no fun," he pouted, and sat himself next to Sirius. "Yes Moony, you're no fun. That troll was hilarious. And Filch deserves it," It was Peter who spoke up this time. Remus let out a long, exaggerated sigh. Okay, it was a little funny. But still...

He suddenly felt very, very tired. " _No one_ deserves to be dangled upside down by a _troll,_ " he glared at Peter, and shot a look at Sirius when he pulled a face. Without another word, he turned and walked up the stairs to their dorm.

He dropped his books on his nightstand, kicked his shoes off, and crawled into his bed. Ever since he was instated as a prefect the year before, there had been small arguments like this between them. And it was always, always Remus against the rest of them. Even before, he had never encouraged their more scandalous schemes, like hexing Severus Snape and sneaking into the Forbidden Forest and scaring the centaurs. But he hadn't done much to oppose them either.

As he grew older, however, it's just been harder and harder to stay quiet about these things. And recently, he had been spending less and less time with them, instead choosing his books, or attending prefects' meetings.

Remus just wanted to sleep. Downstairs, everyone was no doubt laughing and discussing the admittedly hilarious incident involving Filch, a man whom everyone, including Remus, hated. He supposed no one would come upstairs and bother him.

But he was wrong, of course.

The smell of smoke was what confirmed that it was Sirius who sat down at the edge of his bed.

"Remus?" He called, and gave a small pat on Sirius' ankle. "Go away, Sirius. I'm trying to sleep," he groaned, pulling his legs out of Sirius' reach. "Too bad I don't want to go away," Sirius replied, and Remus could practically _hear_ him shrug. He felt Sirius scoot a little closer to shake Remus' shoulder.

"Fine, then," Sirius shoved Remus to make some space, and lay down next to him. "Are you serious?" Remus huffed, turning around to face the other way.

"Uh, yes, I'm Sirius. Didn't you find that out, like, six years ago?" he heard from behind him, and couldn't help the laughter that tumbled out of his lips.

"You're an idiot," he laughed into the pillow. Sirius only swung his leg over Remus. "But an idiot you love."

Remus froze for a minute, but Sirius was so warm and he didn't feel like pushing him away.

"Is that what you tell yourself?" He asked, and felt Sirius give him a light kick before saying,

"Minus the idiot part."


	4. Chapter 4

"Moony, wake up! I can't find Padfoot anywhere!" Remus shot up when he heard James Potter yell from his bed. From beside him, a low groan sounded, and Sirius sat up as well.

Still not fully awake, Sirius threw an annoyed glance James' way. Remus kept staring at James, his cheeks in flames.

James blinked twice, opened his mouth to say something, closed it, looked at Sirius, then at Remus, opened his mouth again, closed it, and rubbed his cheek.

"Uhm... right. Just looking for you, Pads. I'll... I didn't know you were occupied..."

"What's wrong, Prongs? You look a little... startled," Sirius stretched himself, and jumped out of Remus' bed. Remus tried not to stare at him too much, but his voice was so raspy from sleep, and his shirt was creased in the sexiest possible way... and the way his tie was barely knotted anymore was so. damned. hot... and just how was Remus supposed to contain himself?

"Well I never expected you to be here," James, having regained his composure, threw a sly smirk at them. Realisation finally dawned on Sirius. "Oh. Well, there's no need to be so jealous. We'll be sure to invite you next time. Won't we, Moony?" He slid his feet into his shoes, and pulled his tie off.

Remus, still quiet, watched him run his hand through his hair. It looked at least a dozen times hotter when it was fresh out of bed.

"Uh, no, thank you. It's time for dinner. Come on, Moony," James pulled him up, and Remus cleared his throat. "Right. Dinner," he straightened his tie, tried to flatten his hair, and put his shoes on. Before he could grab a book, he was being pulled away by James.

Soon, they were sitting in the dining hall, helping themselves to the ever so delicious food at Hogwarts. The four boys sat together, as always. Remus felt great as he filled himself with dinner, but soon noticed the odd silence around him. If James Potter was around, silence usually didn't stand a chance.

Remus put his fork down and turned himself to look at James, who was sitting on his right. Next to James was Sirius, who was looking down at his plate, pushing a piece of meat around with his fork. James was leaning towards him, a hand on his shoulder. Remus could barely make out what he was saying, "You have to eat something, Sirius. I won't let you go to bed with an empty stomach."

Remus tapped James on the arm, making the raven-haired boy turn to him.

"What's wrong with Padfoot?" He asked softly, and James sighed. "He's not eating... I think... I think he's having a hard time. With you know... Regulus, and the rest of them too," he whispered, just in time for Sirius to look up.

"I can hear you, you idiot," Sirius rolled his eyes, and pushed his plate away. "Now that it's established that I won't be eating, I don't think I need to grace you with my presence for any longer. Good night,"

He went to stand up, but James pulled him back down. "Sirius!" He groaned when Sirius pulled himself free anyway and started walking away. James turned to Remus, "Say something! Stop him, Remus!"

Remus shook his head. "Let him have some time, James. He's been alone for the last two months. He probably needs time to get used to... all these people. To us."

"That's... No. We're his friends, Remus. He shouldn't need getting used to us." James looked dejected. "Tomorrow will be better. I promise," Remus smiled at him, and patted his shoulder. "Where did Padfoot go?" Peter asked from beside him, making James let out a small laugh. "About time you noticed, Wormtail."

***

Sirius was walking down a lonely corridor in the ground floor. He didn't know why he couldn't just forget. He didn't know why everything around him became so heavy all at once. He didn't know. And he didn't care. He just needed it to stop.

If he was at Hogwarts now, he should be allowed to live in Hogwarts. It wasn't fair that he kept falling back into the days at number twelve, Grimmauld Place. It just wasn't fair.

He just needed to clear his mind. To let all those memories go. At least for a moment or two. He looked around for any intruders before quietly pushing a brick in the wall. The brick slid in, and the wall slowly parted into two halves. It left a space enough for Sirius to squeeze through.

He reached a wide tunnel through the opening, which then closed behind him. Taking a deep breath Sirius turned himself into his animal form, a black dog, and wandered deeper into the tunnel, which he knew would lead out of Hogwarts premises.

***

James wanted to wait up for Sirius. He really, really did. But he ended up falling asleep anyway. Just one bed away, Remus wanted to wait up for Sirius too. Good for Sirius, _he_ had not fallen asleep. He kept his ears trained, listening for footsteps that never did come.

Instead, there was a soft knock on the window right next to his bed at around three in the morning. Remus almost fell out of his bed.

He brought his face close to the window, and saw Sirius floating outside. As soon as Remus threw the window open, Sirius flew inside on a broomstick.

"Sirius, what in hell?" Remus gasped, eyes wide. Sirius gave him a cheeky wink and got down. He placed the broom on the floor and kicked it under his bed.

"Were you waiting up for me?" He asked, shaking the small droplets of water from his hair. Remus glared at him, "So what if I was? I'm going to sleep,"

"Aw, come on, Moony," Sirius pouted, grabbing his wrist, and pulled Remus back into his chest. He wrapped his arms around Remus as tightly as he could. Remus, being taller and stronger than Sirius, could've easily freed himself. It was just that he didn't really want to. Letting out a soft sigh, he leaned back against his best friend. "We were all worried about you. Especially James," he finally said.

"Yeah, James was really worried. He's awfully glad to see his Padfoot back with Moony," they heard from behind him. Remus stepped away from Sirius. Blushing, he turned around. James was grinning at them, messy-haired and shirtless.

A second later, his grin was wiped right off of his face, as a massive pillow hit him in the face. Remus slapped his palm against his forehead, knowing what was coming.

A pillow. A pillow was what was coming. On _his_ face.

"What did I do?" He gasped when James bludgeoned him with a pillow.

"Pillow fight!" He heard Peter yell, and soon enough, all hell broke lose. Pillows were flying everywhere, soft thuds and muffled groans filling the 7th year dormitory.

"Won't you quiet the boys down, prefect?" Sirius yelled from beside him, throwing a pillow at a Peter. "Oh, I'll quiet them alright, Pads. Starting with you."

And a pillow hit Sirius right on the nose.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little note about how the Hogwarts Prefect system works in my book (It's a bit different from JKR's)
> 
> 1) Head boy and girl are considered houseless during their tenure, to ensure fairness because nepotism is for frauds.  
> 2) Two sixth year prefects and two seventh year prefects are instated from each house, regardless of the head boy's and head girl's house(s).  
> 3) So at any given time you have four prefects in each house. Sixteen in total. Eighteen if you count the head boy and girl.
> 
> Hope that's clear. Enjoy reading xx

" _James Potter_ is head boy?" Regulus Black spat out in disgust.

Severus Snape sighed. Regulus had been one of the few tolerable Slytherins who had enough space in their heads to think beyond themselves. _Had been. Not anymore, for some unfathomable reason._ That, and the fact that he didn't constantly go out of his way to make his life miserableshould've made them friends. But they weren't. He was _Sirius_ _Black's_ brother.

It's not that Severus ever liked Regulus, but now, Severus found him _insufferable_. Something about Regulus just rubbed him the wrong way. At least from the start of this term.

But then again, _everyone_ rubbed Severus Snape the wrong way.

"When there was a delay in announcing this year's head boy and girl, I knew something was off. But _James Potter?_ " Silena Darkbloom huffed in response.

Severus stood up to leave. They couldn't even stay quiet at the _library_. Of course, every Slytherin ever had to break every rule ever.

On his way out, he saw none other than the infamous James Potter himself, sitting way closer than necessary to Lily Evans. Head boy and head girl. Perfect match. Lily was tapping on a piece of parchment with her quill, and James was staring at her. _Of course._

At the table next to them were the rest of the Marauders;

Remus Lupin - hunched forward, elbows on the table, head down, book open.

Sirius Black - shirt unbuttoned at the top, tie loosely barely knotted, hair pulled back in an abominable knot, eyes fixed on Remus. His book wasn't even open.

Peter Pettigrew - perhaps the most pathetic of them all - asleep on 'Hogwarts : A History'.

Remus Lupin looked up from his book, and his eyes landed on Severus. He gave Severus a small smile, and Severus glared at him even harder. _The audacity, unbelievable._

He turned his head forward, long black hair flipping as he did so, and walked out of the library. He hated them all.

***

When James, Lily, and the Gryffindor prefects—including Remus—entered the house common room after a prefects' meeting, it was almost midnight. Students were supposed to be in bed by that time, and most of them were. But as always, there was a few _rule breakers._ The prefects sent them back to bed, but two boys remained seated.

It was Peter and Sirius. Of course.

Bidding goodbye to Lily, James and Remus joined their friends. Peter was sleeping. Sirius was not.

"Stayed up for us?" James slumped into the chair next to Sirius, and Remus sat himself on the table, in front of them.

" _I_ stayed up. Can't vouch for Wormy here," Sirius shrugged, sliding down along the seat of his chair, so that the nape of his neck rested on the edge of the chair's back. James tugged at a wisp of black hair that had escaped from his bun.

"You're gonna let it grow forever?" He asked.

"Not like Dumbledore. I'll keep it at this length, more or less."

"It looks good," Remus added quietly. James turned to him and let out a snort of laughter. "I'm sure _you_ think so," he smirked. Remus rolled his eyes.

" _Everyone_ bloody thinks so, Prongs." Sirius gave Remus a small wink.

Remus rolled his eyes again. He gave Peter a pat on the shoulder. "Pete... Hey, _Peter,_ " he shook him. "C'mon, let's go to bed."

Groaning, Peter stood up, and stumbled up the stairs, muttering something about cauldron cakes. Remus hopped off the table. He started to follow Peter, but stopped when he noticed his other two friends were still seated where they were.

"Go on ahead, Moony. Padfoot and I will come upstairs soon," James gave him a gentle smile. Sirius looked dubious, but didn't protest. Instead, he too gave Remus a small smile. "Good night, Moony," he stretched himself and added, "do dream of me, will you?"

***

Unlike in Muggle London, the stars at Hogwarts were brilliant. On a night surprisingly dry for September with no clouds to hide the stars, Sirius could easily make out at least three constellations.

James sat down next to him on the rooftop, careful not to slip and possibly break his neck. He fished a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, and held it out to Sirius.

The two boys sat smoking in silence. Sirius jumped when James reached forward all of a sudden and pulled his collar to the side. He opened his mouth to protest, but it was too late.

"What _is_ this, Sirius?" He asked softly, eyes fixed on a sickly green patch of skin just below his collarbone. Sirius pursed his lips. "Nothing," he mumbled, knowing it wouldn't be enough.

"It's not _nothing,_ Sirius. Is that a bloody scar?" James' eyes widened when he saw a long scar starting at the middle of the bruise and disappearing down Sirius' shirt.

Sirius sighed and pressed his cigarette on a rooftile, and it went out with a defiant hiss. "Leave it alone, James," he groaned, moving away from James. He olaced his head in his hands and pulled his knees up to support his elbows.

"No, I won't leave it alone. You've been... so distant this year," James placed a hand on his back and added, "You know you can tell me anything,"

"It was my mother." Sirius shrugged, and James felt his fists clench. Walburga Black was... _a real bitch_.

"I... why didn't you come home with me, Sirius? You know you're always welcome at my place," James said softly, pulling Sirius' hands from his face.

"I... I thought," Sirius drew in a shaky breath, "Actually, I don't know what I was thinking. Don't know why I would... I'm so stupid, James, I'm just so fucking stupid."

James scooted a little closer. He'd hardly ever seen his best friend so overcome by emotion. He looked so small in the dark, so vulnerable.

"You're not stupid, Sirius. You're one of the smartest people here. And you... You're so much more than your mother's anger. You have so much to give, and if they don't want it, that's their problem. Walburga and the rest of them can fuck off. We're here with you, okay?" James smiled at him, and Sirius felt like he could cry all night with James beside him.

"Okay." He settled for just clearing his throat instead. "I... I think... Regulus..." he took a deep breath. "I didn't even see him today at the dining hall. He's not talking to me anymore, James."

James closed his eyes. _How could anyone treat their own blood like this?_ And Regulus, out of all people. He put his arm around Sirius, who let out a sigh. "You have me. You have _us._ I know it's painful, but we're all here for you." He smiled at Sirius, who gave him a small smile in return.

For now, it would do.

The two friends sat in silence for a while. And then for a while longer.

And Sirius' heart had finally stopped weeping when he woke up in the dead of the night, curled up next to James on the cold rooftop.


	6. Chapter 6

When James and Sirius stumbled in through the door, the earliest rays of the sun were already appearing in the sky. Everyone was still sleeping, of course. But when they came back after changing out of their uniforms, Remus was sitting up, rubbing his eyes.

"James? Sirius?" He whispered, and James hushed him with a finger to his lips. He walked over to Remus' bed and sat down. "We're gonna try and sleep a little before lessons." He stood up and moved to his bed.

Sirius crept over to his bed and crawled under the blankets. He turned to Remus, who was allocated the next bed, and threw him a sleepy wink. "See you... today in a few hours, Moony."

***

Their first lesson was Potions with the Slytherins. James and Sirius could barely stay awake. Remus had to try very, very hard not to slap them both. He was getting tired of having to wake them up every time Professor Slughorn walked by.

"Professor Slughorn," A voice called from the doorway, causing James and Sirius to jerk awake. Professor Dumbledore stood at the entrance, and behind him, a rather distraught looking Professor McGonagall.

"May I borrow Mister Black, please? I fear it's rather urgent."

Remus watched Sirius' face turn into a frown. "Don't worry, Pads. It's okay," he patted his hand gently.

"Why, yes, of course. I suppose he's been causing trouble? I must say I'm not surprised, but I did expect better from a seventh year student," Professor Slughorn shook his head. A group of Slytherins started snickering. Remus saw James clench his fists, but Sirius only looked on, pale with worry.

"I _wish_ he was causing the trouble, Professor," McGonagall snapped, and the Slytherins quieted down at the tone of her voice. "But I'm afraid he's on the receiving end this time," she turned to Sirius, and her gaze softened. "Mister Black. Please, if you may."

Sirius stood up, and Remus was tempted to give his trembling fingers a reassuring squeeze. James stood up as well.

"James," it was Dumbledore who spoke this time. "Perhaps, it's best if you stay behind."

Remus knew that James would've followed Sirius if it were anyone other than Dumbledore who told him not to. He pulled James down to sit, and leaned in to whisper, "We'll go in and see before Herbology." James gave a curt nod, his eyes full of worry. From the next table, Lily Evans turned to him and smiled. It worked better than Remus.

Remus turned his head just in time to see McGonagall lead Sirius away, a hand placed on his back.

***

Sirius had a bad feeling.

A very bad feeling.

You could even call it an awful feeling, but it still wouldn't even begin to cover what was going through his head.

Professor Dumbledore walked in front of him, and his lack of conversation worried Sirius. No matter what atrocity Sirius had been caught committing, Dumbledore had always smiled at him, cracked a joke, or recited a horrible pun. Even his chastising never felt like anything more than friendly teasing.

_Then why so quiet today?_

Professor McGonagall's hand on his back felt warm and motherly. But then again, what would Sirius know about motherly? Her face was grave, her lips pursed. Sirius would've asked them what was wrong, but he was too nervous. Something in his chest felt heavy, constricting his lungs so that he had to force his breath in and out.

When they reached Dumbledore's office, they sat him down. They both seemed to be at a loss for words, looking at each other with worry in their eyes.

_Why are they so quiet?_

"Is it Regulus?" The words were out before he could think. _I didn't see him at dinner yesterday... nor at breakfast today._

The Professors' silence confirmed his fears. He felt sick, the world started spinning. "Please, he's okay, isn't he?" He was on his feet in a second, but his legs gave out. Professor Dumbledore rushed to him, and guided him back on to his chair.

"Sirius, I'm afraid there's been... a sort of an attack on Regulus," he spoke slowly, blue eyes trained on Sirius.

_An attack... an attack... who?_

Sirius forced himself to calm down. He couldn't panic. They needed his help. _Regulus_ needed him.

"Who?" Was all he could whisper. He was afraid he might start crying if he actually spoke. Professor McGonagall placed a gentle hand on his head. "We don't know, Sirius." She so rarely addressed her students by their first name.

Was it one of the Slytherins, then? Did they hurt Regulus because his brother was a Gryffindor? But didn't Regulus fit right in with them? And hadn't he stopped speaking to Sirius months ago?

_Maybe he stopped speaking to me because he was scared._

But the Slytherins loved him. If they were capable of loving their friends, that is. What if it was someone else?

Sirius stood up again. He looked up at Dumbledore, "I need to see him."

"Sirius, he's not in..."

"I don't care. I _need_ to see. He's my brother."

Dumbledore looked at McGonagall, a quiet plea for help. She only sighed.

"Please." Sirius whispered, the force gone from his voice. He hated how weak he sounded. Like a little boy. But if not for the people he loved, who was he supposed to let his guard down for?

***

Sirius desperately wanted to hold on to someone as he walked into the hospital wing with Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall. He decided McGonagall's motherly concern would have to suffice.

Madam Pomfrey came rushing forward. She gave Sirius a small smile. His frequent visits at the hospital to see Remus, combined with his unfaltering charm had won him her good favour a long time ago.

Silently, she led them to a bed at the far corner, where Sirius could make out the limp body of his brother. He shoved past Madam Pomfrey and stumbled to Regulus' bedside.

"Regulus," he breathed in. His throat was tight, the ache of restrained tears clawing at his chest. He reached out to touch his little brother.

Regulus lay unmoving and unaware on the bed. His face was pale, but a deep gash ran across his cheek. Peeking out of his long sleeves, Regulus' slender fingers appeared a sickening purplish black.

Professor Dumbledore pulled the sheets down to Regulus' waist. His shirt was unbuttoned. Sirius had to grip the foot of the bed to stop himself from collapsing. As Dumbledore moved the fabric of Regulus' shirt away, Sirius choked on a sob.

Starting from his left shoulder, black veins like tendrils were spreading across his skin. They curved along the muscles of his arm and reached all the way to his fingers, and up his neck and on to his cheek, where they were only barely visible.

What struck him even harder was a sense of familiarity. He had seen this before, somewhere. Was it in a dream? _Those black tendrils..._

Sirius drew closer, his whole body trembling. "What... what _is_ that?" He whispered. He dropped to his knees beside his brother, and covered him back up. He placed a hand on Regulus' shoulder.

"Regulus?" He whispered, "Regulus, it's me." He couldn't say anymore lest the tears should fall. He felt Dumbledore place a hand in his shoulder. "Let's have a small talk in my office, Sirius."


	7. Chapter 7

"Tell me, Sirius. Have you ever seen this before? At least something like it?" Dumbledore asked gently, peering at him through his half moon spectacles. Sirius hesitated, then shook his head.

They were seated at Dumbledore's desk.

"Perhaps we should give the boy some time, headmaster," Professor McGonagall interjected, drawing a sigh from Dumbledore. He nodded his head, "Do you suppose you could excuse James for today?"

Professor McGonagall consented. She escorted Sirius back to the Gryffindor common room. "You will not be expected to return for your lessons today. I will inform your teachers of this. Mister Potter will be here soon." She gave him a small smile.

Before she could exit the common room, Sirius called her. She turned around. "Yes?"

"Will he... Regulus..."

"We will fight for his life. No child is worthy of such a fate, Sirius. I will personally look into the signs. We must find out what could have caused this first."

Sirius wanted her to stay. But he didn't ask her to, just resigned himself to watching her leave.

***

When the lessons were finally over, Remus' first thought was to find Sirius and James. Then he remembered Peter. He ran to the North Tower, just in time to catch Lily. "Hey, Remus. Where's Sirius? Is he in trouble?"

"I.. don't... know," Remus panted. "Came to find Peter," he looked beyond her shoulder, trying to spot his friend. But the corridor was empty.

"Peter left as soon as the lesson was over. I stayed behind to clear some things up." Lily frowned. Remus nodded. He bid her a hasty goodbye and ran as fast as he could into the Gryffindor tower. The Fat Lady screamed after him, asking him why he was so rude to her, but now was not the time.

The common room was already full of Gryffindors, but there was no sign of any of his friends. He rushed into their dorm. Empty.

Remus huffed, and dropped his books on his bed. That's when he saw the note pinned to his pillow. He unfolded it in a hurry.

_Shrieking Shack. Hurry._

The handwriting was James', no doubt. Remus tucked the note into his pocket and ran out of the tower, bumping into a fifth year on the way. "Sorry!" He yelled, but didn't stop running. He ran and ran and ran, out of the school and into the grounds, further and further away until he reached the Whomping Willow.

The massive tree wailed and swung its branches wildly, almost as if it could sense him there. He pointed his wand at the roots, and a jet of blue sparks flew out of it. They struck a small knob at the base of a root, and the tree stilled.

Remus dove into the opening under the tree, and stopped running once he reached the basement of the Shrieking Shack.

"Remus?" It was James. "It's me," Remus panted. "Come on up!" James yelled, and Remus ran up the stairs. He stumbled into the first bedroom he found, and let out a soft gasp.

Sirius was curled up by the window, his hair falling forward in messy curls. His knees were pulled up, arms wrapped around them. He raised his head when he heard Remus walk in. James was sitting on the floor next to him, and arm around Sirius.

When Sirius' eyes met his, Remus wanted to cry, too. He looked so sad and his face was so full of it, like a little child's.

"Sirius," he mumbled, rushing to kneel in front of him. Sirius bit his lip, and Remus knew it was because he was trying not to cry.

"What happened?" Remus asked, tearing his eyes away from his best friend to look at James. James sighed. "I'll tell you later tonight. For now, I think we should just be with Pads," he gave Sirius' shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Ignoring the curiosity burning in his mind, he crawled next to Sirius and leaned against the wall. He wanted to ask where Peter was, but decided against it.

As soon as Remus settled next to Sirius, James could see how they subconsciously leaned towards each other. Despite the gravity of the situation, he was touched by the sight. On any other day, he would've pointed it out, but he knew that now was not the time.

James stood up. "I think I'm gonna pay Honeyduke's a visit. Get us something to eat... something to drink..." he smiled at his two friends. Sirius watched him leave, and Remus watched Sirius.

As soon as James was out, Sirius leaned himself against Remus, whose arms were made to hold him. They held each other tight, more for comfort than for warmth. It took a few minutes for the silence to be broken.

"Can I try doing your hair?" Remus whispered. He felt Sirius lift his head, and their eyes met. "You know how to do hairstyles?" A ghost of a smile played at Sirius' lips, but his dark eyes were still empty.

"Well, I'm sure I can tie a better bun than you," Remus smiled lightly, but Sirius was not amused. "Will it make me look nice?" He asked after some thought.

"You always look nice, Padfoot."

And that's how Remus' fingers found their way into Sirius' unruly curls, threading through them, searching for and eliminating any knots. After several botched attempts, Remus had managed to pull Sirius' hair into a neat bun at the back of his head.

"Too neat," Sirius shook his head, and pulled at the roots of his hair a little to loosen it. "Better now."

Remus stared for a moment, reached into Sirius' pocket, and pulled his wand out. He carefully poked it into Sirius' hair. "Now it's perfect." He smiled.

"Regulus was attacked by someone." Sirius spoke up after some time, his voice catching on his brother's name. Remus felt his stomach drop. "What? What do you mean attacked? When?"

"I don't know... no one knows. Hagrid found him in the Forbidden Forest today. He... It's got to be some kind of curse, Remus. It was like his blood was turning black. It started at his shoulder, and it was spreading down his arm and up his neck... like... like veins. Dumbledore says he's never seen anything like it. No one's ever heard of it... and... what was he even doing in the forest?"

Remus frowned. "A curse? It must be dark arts. Obviously. But if Dumbledore himself has never seen anything like it... then..." he trailed off.

"Madam Pomfrey says it's spreading. Hagrid swears there were no black marks on his neck when he found Regulus. Madam Pomfrey said that no matter what, we can't let it get to his heart, but it's... It's so close and I don't know if I can... I don't know.." Sirius looked down, fists clenched and chest heaving. He didn't want to cry.

"It's okay. Just cry it out. It's okay." Remus held him a little tighter.

Sirius didn't _want_ to cry. But the tears fell anyway.

And once they started, there was no stopping them. They came in broken streams, rolled down his cheeks and blossomed into dark patches on his shirt once they fell from his face.

They didn't stop, not even when James walked in with a bag full of sweets and three bottles of Butterbeer.

And when he sat down beside the two boys and held them both, they only fell faster. The three ended up spending the night there, not really caring if they got caught breaking the school rules. Because even if all else went up in flames, they would always have each other.


	8. Chapter 8

Both Professor Dumbledore and Hagrid were waiting for them when they crawled out of the opening and into Hogwarts the next day. The relief on Professor Dumbledore's face was evident when he saw Sirius.

Without a word, he took them all into his office. He sat them down by the fire, and let them eat first. After they had all showered and changed into fresh clothes, he took them into the library.

Dumbledore was quite amazing like that.

There were no students inside. Instead, Professor McGonagall was seated alone at a table. There were two piles of books with her. A tall tower on the table, and a small, scattered pile on the floor. She looked up at the boys, and gestured at the chairs next to her.

Professor Dumbledore left the library, and the four of them started to scour the books for any kind of mention of whatever Regulus was affected by.

By the end of the day, they had gone through dozens of books on the dark arts, none carrying anything useful for their cause.

Remus took the time to observe Sirius every once in a while, as did James and even McGonagall. A cook from the kitchen brought them tea and snacks every few hours. With half an hour until the final bell rang, it was James who suggested they go somewhere private before students could show up at the library.

"Since we don't want everyone finding out," he explained. "In that case, we shall continue at my office, gentlemen," the Professor agreed. Looking at Sirius' pale face, however, she added, "We can have tea before we resume."

She led them to her quarters, and rang for food. Sirius' lack of appetite didn't escape her. "Mister Black," she sighed. "I understand that this is no pleasant experience. But refusing yourself food is not going to make anything better, my dear."

She gave him an encouraging smile. Sirius looked at her, and shook his head. "I can't," his voice was barely above a whisper. McGonagall gave Remus and James a meaningful look before she rose from her seat. "I must leave you here for a minute. I expect no trouble, Mister Potter." She vanished out the door, leaving a dejected Sirius with two very worried friends.

James looked at Remus.

"Sirius," Remus called softly, a hand on the boy's hunched back. "Sirius, look at me," he coaxed. James felt a little like he was intruding. He left his chair and retreated to the window to give his two friends some space.

Sirius finally looked up, but not quite at Remus. He looked sick.

"If you don't want to eat this food, at least have some chocolate," Remus pleaded. Sirius looked at him, his face distraught. He had always been expressive, had always felt everything so deeply. Maybe that's why he was so sad all the time.

Remus could tell something else was troubling him. Something fresh that hadn't been on his mind the day before.

Not saying any more, Remus pulled a slab of chocolate out of his cloak. He broke a piece off and handed it to Sirius. He then walked over to James and offered him a piece as well.

When he got back to Sirius, the chocolate was still in his hands. Uneaten. "Eat. It will help," Remus promised, and Sirius took a tentative bite. Remus assumed it made him feel somewhat better, because he kept nibbling on it slowly.

"When I went home," he started, but stopped himself. James was quick to reach him. "What happened? Did you see something?"

"No... No I didn't." Sirius said firmly, and finished his chocolate. He wiped his fingers on a napkin, and reached for _Dark Arts on The Human Body._

"Better not waste any more time. Regulus doesn't have long."

***

When Sirius told Remus, James and Peter that he was going to get some sleep, they all refused to leave him. They wouldn't want to have dinner if he was going to starve himself.

However, after much pleading, and putting on a great show of eating a couple of ginger biscuits, Sirius managed to send them to the dining hall. He didn't have a lot of time. He waited a couple more minutes for good measure, and reached under James' bed. He pulled out a large piece of sheer cloth—James' invisibility cloak.

Sirius draped the cloak over himself, and slipped out of the Gryffindor tower. Soundlessly, he reached the entrance hall, from where he descended a narrow flight of stairs into the dungeons. He had sneaked a dozen times into the Slytherin common room to meet Regulus.

"Mudblood stew," he spoke, and a passage leading to the common room revealed itself. He stepped inside the empty room, illuminated green.

The glass panelling allowed a splendid underwater view of the Hogwarts lake, dark blue waters rolling against the walls. Sirius took the cloak off, and moved towards the boys' room.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed him from behind, causing him to drop the cloak. He almost cried out, but another hand was clamped over his mouth.

"Don't struggle," a familiar voice spoke in his ear. _Snivellus Snape._ Sirius wanted to slap himself. Why had he removed the cloak?

_Because it kept obstructing arm movement._ _.._

Sirius let himself be dragged behind a large chest. "Stay quiet," Severus Snape hissed in his ear, and slowly removed his hand from Sirius' mouth. However, his other arm remained strong and steady around his shoulders.

"If you're planning on hiding me until your _friends_ get back..."

"Stay. Quiet."

Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but a group of boys emerged from the boys' room. Sirius watched from behind the chest as they left the common room.

As soon as they were alone, Snape pushed him away. Sirius grabbed the cloak quickly. "Sirius Black," Snape sneered, "Finally decided to answer the calling of his blood? I'm afraid the sorting ceremony took place six years ago," 

"I wouldn't join you if you were the last to walk this world," Sirius glared.

"Whatever you're looking for, it's not here. Leave, before they come back," Snape warned. Sirius paused, and looked at Snape long and hard. "You... you helped me," he said, eyes trained on the Slytherin boy.

"Yes, unfortunately, I did. I suggest you don't tempt me to change my mind, Black."

Sirius shook his head. "I can't leave... I have to find it,"

"Find it? Find what?"

"There was... a drawing... in Regulus' notebook. He's... I need it, _he_ needs it," Sirius tried rushing past Snape into the boys' room. "Black, I warned you. Whatever you're looking for, it's not here."

Sirius held his stance, wand at the ready.

Snape wasn't sure if he would stand a chance against Sirius Black. It could go both ways... and it wasn't a risk he was willing to take. "I know about Regulus. You saw a drawing in his notebook, and you want to know what it is." Snape spoke slowly.

Sirius gripped his wand. _What are you playing at?_

"Regulus keeps at least a dozen notebooks. There is no way you can find the one you need in time," Snape gave him an icy look.

Sirius raised his wand. "Now, now," Snape warned, pulling out his own wand. "Go back to your _Gryiffindor_ tower," he pulled a face as if the word itself burned him.

As much as Sirius wanted to fight, he knew what Snape said was true. _Why is he helping me?_

"Leave, Black. You don't belong here."

"I learned that six years ago." With those parting words, Sirius left the dungeons. He would just have to find another way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That password is a joke. My sense of humour was broken when I wrote this (not that it's any better now) but that's all it is. A joke. 
> 
> P.S. I'm a Slytherin too so don't get your underwear in a twist.


	9. Chapter 9

"Why would you say no to her? She's really pretty, and smart, _and_ she's not in Slytherin. What else could you want in a girl?" Peter rolled his eyes at Sirius and leaned back in his chair. Sirius sighed and closed his eyes. He didn't want to be having that conversation. The common room was almost empty. Everyone had gone outside to enjoy the sun which had appeared after days of ceaseless rain.

"I'm sure Sirius has bigger problems to worry about," James said from beside them. Remus looked up from his book for a second, a worried glance at Sirius' tired face.

Regulus had been unconscious for a whole week now, and they still had no clue what they were trying to fight.

"Peter and Remus! Professor Binns would like to see the two of you," Lily Evans, who had just walked in, said. With a sigh, Remus tucked an old scrap of paper to mark his place in the book, and put it down. The two boys left in silence. Lily walked over to Sirius and James. "Hey, Sirius. I heard Regulus went home because he's sick. Hope he's okay," she smiled at Sirius. Sirius gave her a small nod, "Thank you, Evans. I hope so too."

James wanted to ask Lily to stay, but he decided Sirius wouldn't benefit from that very much. So he quietly watched her leave instead.

"You could've asked her to stay. I can... go see Regulus," Sirius spoke up after they were alone once more. He kept his eyes fixed on two boys at the far end of the room. Brothers. One in fifth grade, the other in second. Pressed close together as they hunched over a library book so big that the little one probably couldn't even lift it. Sirius tried to look away, but he couldn't. He almost smiled when the elder brother pointed out something in the book, causing the younger's eyes to go wide.

James followed his gaze. When he realised what Sirius was looking at, he placed a warm hand on his best friend's shoulder.

"You spent the whole morning there, Pads. And I spent the whole morning in a prefects' meeting. I stared at Lily for long enough," James laughed, nudging Sirius with his shoulder.

Silence fell.

"I have something I need to tell you," Sirius whispered. "It's about what Peter just said, I..." Sirius took a deep breath. James squeezed his shoulder. It was rather out of character for Sirius was being. "I don't think I like girls..." Sirius trailed off again. He noticed James' blank stare, and shook his head.

"What I'm saying is that... That I think I'm... gay," the last word barely made it out of Sirius' mouth. James looked at him, silent. "Oh, okay," he shrugged, not taking his hand off of Sirius.

"Okay? I... you heard me, didn't you? I said..."

"Yeah, I heard you. You're gay," James paused, then grinned. "Do you want me to act surprised? You're gay and you like Moony. About time you told me, Padfoot."

Sirius felt his cheeks flare up. "I do _not-_ "

"Before you complete that sentence, I want you to think about what you're going to say very well," James smirked, crossing his arms. Biting his lip, Sirius looked down. After a long pause he said, "Is it really that obvious?"

"Not to everyone... only if you know to look for it," James grinned.

Sirius rolled his eyes, and slid down the couch a little. He looked up at the ceiling. "I wish..." he stopped himself.

_I wish Remus loved me back._

_I wish Regulus was okay._

_I wish he would talk to me._

_I wish I was welcome in my family._

_I wish my parents loved me._

_I wish I didn't have to deal with all of this._

_I wish I had a different life._

_I wish I was dead._

James frowned as he watched Sirius' eyes slowly darken, how his jaw tightened and his knuckles turned pale. It felt like it was getting more and more difficult to reach him every day. A heavy dose of Remus probably would've helped, but to what degree, James didn't know. Until Remus came back, they sat in silence.

It's not that James had seen Sirius sad.

He had been there when Sirius watched everyone else get their Christmas presents, holding only a piece of parchment in his hands. It was their second year at school. He was there for every nightmare Sirius had during his first few years at Hogwarts, and he was there to hold him every time Sirius would refuse to go to class, choosing to smoke a cigarette or have a walk instead.

He was the one to open his door to Sirius when he ran away from home.

And every single time, James had comforted him. He'd held Sirius, smoked with him, fallen asleep together, sneaked out of school together. Hell, they even _lived_ together.

So why was it so hard to reach him now? Why was he so far away?

Sirius looked asleep when Remus returned. Peter was not with him. James stood up as quietly as he could, glancing again at Sirius to make sure he really was asleep.

He walked over to Remus and dragged him away from the two brothers who were now giggling to themselves quietly.

"I need to talk to you," James kept his voice down just in case. Remus glanced over at Sirius, who was sleeping in a very uncomfortable position. "We should put him to bed first," he said. James nodded. They woke Sirius and took him upstairs. He was sleeping again as soon as he hit the mattress. Remus took his shoes off and placed them next to his bed. James undid his tie, threw it on a small stool, and carefully pulled the covers over his sleeping friend.

The two boys stepped back and looked Sirius over to ensure that he was comfortable enough. Satisfied, they quietly left the room.

***

James looked out over the vast premises of Hogwarts, feeling a dull wave of sadness wash over him as he remembered that this would be his final year at Hogwarts. He was going to miss his school.

"What did you want to tell me?" Remus asked.

"It's not about Regulus," James clarified first.

Remus didn't seem any less interested. "What is it? Did Sirius say something?"

"No, no... he didn't say anything. Which is exactly the problem."

Remus stayed quiet, not sure of what to say. "It was a lot easier to comfort him back then, Remus. A secret trip to Hogsmeade, a box of chocolate, a hug..." he sighed. Remus' throat clogged with the weight of the realisation that they were children no more. "But it's not that simple anymore," he finished for James, who nodded. " _Yo_ _u_ make him happy," James said slowly. Even with the way things were, it was hard not to smile at how Remus' cheeks got tinged with pink.

"I'll... I don't really know what you want me to do," he bit his fingernail. "I was hoping you would," James sighed, "Maybe... Maybe spend as much time as you can with him? He's impulsive, and so am I. We have to make sure he doesn't do anything rash, and when I'm with him I get carried away too. But you're not like us, you use your brain. You're the perfect person to keep him grounded, Remus. Merlin knows he needs it."

Remus nodded his head. He knew that if anyone could keep Sirius—or James, for that matter—out of trouble, it was himself.

"I think I can do that," he smiled at James. The two fell quiet. "There was a bruise... and a scar of some sort on his chest," James said. It made Remus tensed up, so James placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's not from school," he shook his head and added, "He said it was Walburga."

Remus exhaled sharply. "She actually hurt him?" He wondered and James sighed. "She really did. I wouldn't put it past her, Remus. She's never been very good at keeping her anger at bay."

Remus couldn't believe it. _What the actual fuck?_

"He's grown so thin..." his voice was low as he spoke. "And pale," James added. Something heavy settled in Remus' chest.

"We _have_ to fix this." He said firmly.

"And we will. Whatever he's trying to go through alone, we'll find out. He's had enough of this crap for a lifetime, Moony. I'm not really sure how, I just know it needs to end."


	10. Chapter 10

_(10 years_ _old)_

"No, mother. I don't want to learn the _Dark Arts._ Why do I have to learn the killing curse? I'm not going to kill anyone!" Sirius huffed.

Walburga Black stepped towards her firstborn, and placed a hand on his cheek, tracing the soft skin with her thumb. Sirius looked up at her smiling face, confused. In a second, he cried out as a searing pain shot across his cheek. He stumbled back, holding his face.

"You hit me," he whispered, and tears welled up in his eyes. "Sharp observation skills, Sirius. Next time you dare say no to your mother, you will find yourself on the wrong side of her wand," Walburga threatened.

"Now, how do you pronounce the killing curse, Sirius?"

The little boy stared at her in defiance, lips pursed.

"You know your mother does not like repeating herself, don't you?" Walburga Black said softly. Sirius felt his mouth go dry. The calmer she was, the worse it was going to be. He wanted to run.

The little boy gasped when the witch pointed her wand at him. He saw the green electricity shoot from its tip, but was still surprised when it struck his chest.

He couldn't breathe. He opened his mouth. _Mother..._

When he fell to his knees, Walburga laughed. "Weak, weak, _weak_!" she hissed. Sirius could only see her black skirt as she loomed over him like a dark cloud.

"Tell me the killing curse."

"No," Sirius replied. He had taken it so far, he could take some more.

***

"Master Sirius!" Sirius opened his eyes. His whole body was aching, and someone was shaking him. It was Kreacher, their house elf. "Master Sirius isn't dead!" He clapped. "Now I must leave, mistress Black wanted only to know if you were not dead."

It was after Kreacher left that Sirius remembered that he was not in his room. He was in the dark room. Not only was it dark, but it was also cold. There was only a half burnt candle, no fireplace.

Sirius curled up on the hard stone floor, and fell asleep again. At least three hours had passed when he was woken up again.

"Sirius?" A small voice. Soft and trembling.

Ignoring the burning in his limbs, Sirius sat up. "Reg," he grinned, opening his arms for his little brother. "Did she hurt you?" Regulus whispered as Sirius held him tightly. "No, no she didn't," Sirius whispered back.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Regulus wriggled out of his grip and reached into his pocket. "Mother said you wouldn't be given food. Only water. So I brought you a chocolate frog," he gave Sirius a toothy smile. Sirius would've preferred something less sweet, but he was too hungry to complain.

"It's Morgan, _again,_ " Regulus pouted. He had four of her cards.

"Maybe some other day," Sirius ruffled his hair, and popped the entire frog in his mouth at once.

***

_(_ _13_ _years old)_

Sirius grinned at James as they covered Regulus with the invisibility cloak. "Be as quiet as you can, Regs," James said as Sirius placed a hand on his brother's back for good measure.

"It's _Regulus,_ " a voice sounded.

"Sure, Regs," James grinned. The three boys walked up the stairs and along the corridor. They stopped in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Cauldron cakes," James spoke, and the portrait slid away from the entrance. With a steady hand on Regulus' back, Sirius gently guided him in.

Inside, Remus and Peter were curled up on plush chairs by the fire. Looking up from his massive book, Remus waved at the two boys. Peter was dozing off, an empty box of Ice Mice on his lap.

Sirius made a great show of looking for his _lost brother. He could swear he was right there..._

Rolling his eyes, Regulus stepped out of the cloak himself. Remus put his book away and bounced over to Regulus, whom he wrapped up in a big, warm hug. "How are you, Reg? I was getting bored waiting for you. Mom sent me Christmas cookies, come on," he walked the small boy over the fireplace.

"Hey, Sirius," Peter mumbled in his sleep, earning a loud smack on the head from James. "That's _Regulus,_ idiot. _This_ is Sirius..." James turned to his side, but Sirius was nowhere to be found.

A couple seconds later, Regulus let out a loud shriek as something began tickling him. He fell off his chair and on to the floor. Remus blindly reached for Sirius, and ended up on the floor himself. A mop of unruly black hair popped out of the cloak for a moment, then vanished again. Unable to resist, James and Peter jumped in as well.

Some time later, the five boys had quieted down, gathered around the fire. James, Sirius, and Remus huddled together on a sofa and wrapped in a massive blanket. James trying to catch a chocolate frog, Remus hunched over his book, and Sirius trying to get Remus to put the book away so that they could have _actual fun_. Peter and Regulus sat on the floor by their feet, looking at Peter's wizard cards.

"James lost my Merlin card! He promised he would find me one, but never did."

"I have _three_ Merlins. I got one last week from Hogsmeade. We can trade!"

"My Circe for your Merlin?"

"I'll bring it over tomorrow."

***

_(16 years_ _old_ _)_

"Are you never coming back home?" Regulus tugged at the hem of his nightshirt, not daring to look up at Sirius. He felt Sirius place his hands on his shoulders. "Hey, Reg, look at me," he whispered.

Silver threads of moonlight made their way through the massive windows of Regulus' room, lighting their faces an eerie blue.

"I don't want to be alone here, Sirius," Regulus choked out, collapsing forward into his brother's always open arms. "I'm sorry, Reg... I... I can't stay here any longer. Mother loves you. If you came with me, she'll die of sorrow. Or she'll kill me and take you back."

Regulus looked at Sirius, his face hard. He knew. Maybe it really way best that Sirius was leaving. "You'll keep in touch? You won't forget me?"

"I see you at school anyway, Greenbean," Sirius smiled. "Don't call me that, Dirtypaws," Regulus smiled back. Sirius didn't want to leave his brother. But he had to. He couldn't bear to stay at home any longer.

"I'll send an owl as soon as I get somewhere safe."

Regulus touched the purple bruise on Sirius' cheek. He wished he knew a healing spell, but he knew none. He was only taught to tear down, to kill. Not to heal and revive. "I love you, Sirius."

They embraced again, holding on to each other for longer. Neither let go willingly. When they finally pulled away, Sirius took off the Black family ring and slid it on to Regulus' finger.

"And I love you, Regulus."

***

It was almost afternoon when Sirius appeared at James' doorstep. "Sirius!" James gasped. His best friend looked barely able to hold himself up. He was clinging to the door frame. A large purple bruise marked his right cheek. His hair was tousled, framing his sickly pale face.

"Sirius, you need to go to the hospital," James grabbed the bag which lay by Sirius' feet.

"Oh no, no," Sirius smiled weakly, his body dangerously leaning forward. "A good night's rest would do."

And he passed out at James' feet.


	11. Chapter 11

Sirius woke up to an empty dorm. He had slept for only ten or fifteen minutes. It wasn't enough, but it was all he could get. His first instinct was to look for James. But everything was just so heavy, and he couldn't get himself to climb out of bed. He felt like he was stagnating. He had to move.

So he sat up, placed a pillow against the headboard, and leaned against it. He pulled his knees up to his chest, and wrapped his arms around them. The sun was shining outside, several golden rays had managed to sneak in through the gap in the curtains. They warmed his skin where they fell.

Sirius knew he had to get Regulus' notebook. The drawing he'd made in there that Sirius had accidentally seen was exactly like the curse that had struck him. Sirius had meant to ask him about it, but Regulus hadn't spoken to him. At all.

Maybe it was because of his parents. His mother, probably. Not probably. Definitely.

But that didn't mean it hurt any less. Leaving Regulus was not an easy choice, and now Sirius was starting to regret it. Because if he was there, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe he could've stopped it from happening. If Regulus had drawn that diagram, he must have known about it. But if not even Dumbledore had ever seen it before, then... Could Regulus have been developing a new spell? A potion?

Regulus was one of the brightest students of his year. He was a member of Professor Slughorn's elite Slug Club, a group reserved for only the brightest of students that Slughorn favoured. If he had the proper guidance, Regulus could no doubt develop a new potion. But would Regulus really be involved in developing something so harmful? Had his parents finally gotten to him? Or was it the Slytherins that pushed him to do it?

_Show them you're not your brother. Prove yourself._

Sirius felt sick when he remembered the current state of his brother. Pale and asleep on a strange bed, dead to the world. The black tendrils weren't spreading as quickly as they'd thought. But they were still progressing, inching steadily towards his heart.

_What if they made him work out a curse, and tested it on him? Would mother have allowed that?_

_But what if she wasn't involved?_

Sirius was forced to exit his thoughts when he heard footsteps. It was Peter. He looked surprised to see Sirius. "Oh... hey, Sirius," he waved.

"Hello, Wormtail. Everything alright? You look rather poorly,"

"Could say the same about you..." Peter gave him a brief once-over, "Don't you have homework? I have a massive essay for Divination, I have to find Lily to help me..." He walked over to his bed and sat down, looking through his drawers for parchment. Once he found what he needed, he stood up. "See you, Padfoot."

"See you, Wormtail," Sirius shrugged, giving him a lazy wave.

Peter grabbed his quill and vanished. Sirius sighed. He would've liked some company. He tried to think of where James and Remus might be. He didn't have to for long, as they walked in soon after Peter had left.

"Hey, Padfoot," James smiled, all bright and sunshine. "Couldn't sleep?"

Remus looked at James as if he wanted to slap him across the face. James gave him a sheepish shrug in response. Sirius forced a small laugh out, but he doubted his friends bought it.

"I was going to find Lily, but do you want to hang out instead?" James scratched his neck. Remus rolled his eyes. "Pete said he needed her help for an essay..." Sirius trailed off. "Oh yeah... for Muggle Studies! I could use some help too."

"First of all, Lily doesn't even take Muggle Studies, Prongs. Only Peter and you do. Secondly, the essay is for _Divination._ Which you don't even take." Sirius shook his head in mock disappointment. James pouted.

"Thirdly," Remus started, "you do have an essay for _Potions._ We all do. And we need to get it done tonight."

Both James and Sirius groaned. They didn't even bother protesting. The three friends went to the library with their scrolls and quills, and set to working on the essay. They were done in an uncharacteristically short time. A lot sooner than Sirius had thought. Because no one was in the mood for joking around, and the lack of diversion proved to be in great favour of the essay's completion.

And now that they were done with homework, Sirius was staring at the _Dark Arts_ section of the library, trying to find a book that they might've missed. There was none that he could imagine to be useful. He stood up and started walking towards the _Potions_ section.

"Black," a voice stopped him in his tracks. _Severus Snape._

Sirius heard the sound of a chair screeching. James had stood up, wand at the ready. Remus stood up as well, but only placed a hand on James' shoulder to calm him down. Severus stepped forward, and Sirius could make out a leather-bound notebook in his hand. _One of_ _Regulus' notebooks._

"Tell your friendnot to bother himself so much. Why don't you remind him that _I'm_ the one who kept you from trouble when you sneaked into the dungeons?"

"I'll show you how unbothered I am, you—"

" _Gentlemen!_ " Madam Pince, the librarian, strode over to them. She sent them out of the library. All four boys were glaring after her with varying degrees of anger as they entered the corridor.

"Seems to me that your friends don't know of your little tour in the dungeons, Black," Snape sneered. Remus stepped forward, frowning as he looked from Sirius to Snape and back to Sirius. "What did you do, Sirius?"

"What did _he_ do? Sneaked into the Slytherin common room, tried to go into the boys' rooms too. If it weren't for me, he'd be expelled for entering another house space without permission."

Remus looked ready to _explode_. Sirius was really in for it now. James, however, looked quite proud that Sirius had done this all by himself.

"And all for this little notebook," Snape tauntingly held up the book. "Just give it to me, Snape," Sirius spoke up for the first time since the Slytherin boy had appeared. He sounded tired. He just wanted to get things over with.

"Go get it yourself, Black." Severus threw the book up into the air, then pointed his wand at it. The book whizzed along the corridor and right out of a window.

The three friends ran to the window, not caring to deal with Snape at the moment. " _Wingardium leviosa!_ " James chanted, managing to stop the the book just before it hit the grass below.

Sirius reached for it, but Remus snatched it away before he could. His eyebrows were bowed into a small—and if Sirius was being honest, rather adorable—frown. But his voice was nowhere near adorable as he turned to Sirius. "We're going to the tower, Sirius. You have some explaining to do."


	12. Chapter 12

"You _sneaked_ into _Slytherin_ all by yourself _?_ " Peter gasped, blue yes comically wide. Sirius nodded, not ready to look any of them in the eye. The three of them had all had different reactions.

Peter - unable to believe it, but rendered completely in awe.

James - proud (and relieved) that he'd done it somehow.

Remus - not ready to hear a word of it. " _Do you not know how incredibly risky that is? You could've_ at least _told us, Sirius!"_

Once the initial thrill of the news wore off, the four friends set to discussing their next step. Sirius went to open the book at once, but Remus stopped him. "We need to make sure it's not been tampered with. It might be hexed," he said.

Impatient, Sirius cast the levitating charm on the book again, and directed it far away from them. They were in an empty classroom, the door enchanted shut behind them. Once the book was at the far end of the room, Sirius carefully guided it open. The four boys flinched in anticipation, but nothing happened. The book was promptly pulled back. Sirius gripped it tightly, and flipped it open to the first page, where it was signed in large purple letters.

_R.A.B._

He turned to the next page.

And then the next.

His fingers moved faster with each page he passed, curling around the paper and turning it over with such force that he had to remind himself that he couldn't damage Regulus' book. He had to try with all his might to not tear up at the sight of his brother's flowing cursive script, almost identical to his own. Even their handwriting was crafted with care wince they were children. It was one of the many things that his family gave him that Sirius just couldn't get rid of.

Remus and James exchanged anxious glances all the while, not missing the tremble in Sirius' fingers.

Suddenly, having turned to a new page, Sirius made a noise which sounded like it fell somewhere between a choke and a gasp. His long finger traced an intricate drawing of a man. Perfectly proportionate. It had been cut out from somewhere else an pasted in the book, but blank ink had been used to draw on it. There were tendrils running down the man's arms, and they concentrated into a dark mass at his heart.

Underneath it, written in Regulus' handwriting was, _Nigrae_ _radicae_ _._

_Inflicted by casting the lighting spell on an individual who has consumed Blackroot potion. Most effective within an hour of consumption. No effect other than that of the spell after six hours._

" _Blackroot_ potion?" James frowned.

"A spell and a potion combined?" Remus marvelled. He had never heard of anything like that before.

"There's an antidote!" Peter cried, pointing at the writing.

Below the small description of _Nigrae radicae_ was a list. The handwriting was messier, but no doubt belonged to Regulus. It was scribbled in some places, and marked with arrows and small notes on the side.

  
_Wiggenweld_ _potion : no effect_

_Salamander Blood : no effect_

_Bloodroot_ _: black marks fade, but presents drastic burning effect on skin._   
_(Combine with Nightshade?)_

_Mandrake_ _Root : victim gains consciousness - only briefly._

_Mandrake Root with Octopus Powder : gains consciousness for around one hour. Complaints of excruciating pain._

"He never found the antidote," Sirius said softly. He kept staring at the page, hoping for a miracle, but the untidy scrawl stayed the same. "We should tell McGonagall." Remus said. "No!" Both James and Sirius criedsimultaneously.

"If they find out that Regulus has been developing a curse... playing with dark magic..." Sirius clutched the book tightly to his chest.

"We can continue his work on the antidote," Peter suggested. Remus sighed and shook his head.

"There's no one test it on, Peter. Even if we find someone, and somehow manage to master the bloody _lightning spell,_ we don't know what this Blackroot potion is. We don't know how to brew it, or the ingredients for it."

Sirius didn't want to point out that no one needed to master the Lightning Spell because he could already cast it perfectly well.

"We'll go see in the library. Slughorn loves Lily. I can ask her to get his permission to access the Restricted Section," James suggested.

Remus definitely didn't like where things were going. But then he noticed Sirius' set jaw and his dark eyes. Something was working in his mind. And Remus would just have to find out what.

***

Professor Binns had assigned Remus to help Peter with history lessons.

Peter was surprisingly diligent, especially when there was no Sirius or James around to interrupt them. The tutoring was a lot smoother and a lot more productive than Remus had imagined it would be. But an hour of studying history had worn Peter out, and Remus had no trouble noticing it. "Hey Wormtail," he said, "Mind if we continue some other time?" Peter, of course, was more than obliging. He left the common room to go to the Quidditch Pitch, where James would be helping the Gryffindor team practise.

He was no longer allowed to play for his house, but he had been permitted to attend practices until they found a replacement for him. And Sirius had gone to watch, as he always did, even if James had asked him multiple times to stay in bed and rest. 

_How could Padfoot lie in bed while his dearest Prongsie was out in the Quidditch Pitch? What if the_ _bludger_ _hit him? Padfoot couldn't miss a good laugh like that._

And so they had left early in the morning while it was still cold, to chase each other and a flying ball on their broomsticks.

Remus wanted to go to the Pitch, but he was just so tired. Every movement felt so difficult to make. He had to drag himself up the staircase, and his legs were a minute away from buckling when he collapsed on to his bed. He kicked his shoes off, not caring where they fell. The pain in his back intensified, and he curled up into a ball in a vain attempt of lessening it. He was falling asleep. But with two nights left for the full moon, he knew he couldn't sleep without having the most terrible nightmares. It made him dread sleep itself, but being awake came with the price of an aching back and a dreadful temper.

And so Remus closed his eyes, resigning himself to just hoping for the best.

***

Lily and Sirius were watching the Gryffindor team whizz by on their broomsticks. Even if it was merely a practice session, Sirius' heart was thumping with excitement. It had been a while since he felt anything other than downright miserable, and he was enjoying being a spectator to the best of his abilities.

And if James got hit by the bludger, that would just be the icing on the cake.

"Hey, Sirius," Lily spoke up. Sirius tore his eyes away from his best friend and turned to the lovely red-haired girl next to him. "Yes, Evans," he tilted his head.

"Why is James... why are _you and James_ so... so mean to Severus?"

"Severus? Who's Severus?" Sirius raised his eyebrows in mock confusion.

"Severus Snape. Slytherin,"

"Oh you meant our charming old friend _Snivellus?_ "

Lily rolled her eyes. Sirius shrugged at her. "I suspect he's ever said a nice word to anyone but you, Lily," the humour had left his voice. "He knew more curses in his first year than _any_ fifth or sixth year."

"In that case," Lily breathed in, "so did you, Sirius. Don't pretend that you know nothing about the dark arts." There was an edge to her voice. Being a Muggleborn and therefore the target of more than a few bullies, not that she ever _let_ herself get bullied, she had every right to be apprehensive of the dark arts. She instantly regretted her words when she saw Sirius' eyelashes fall over his eyes as he averted them to the ground. She opened her mouth to apologise, but he spoke first.

"I may have learnt dark spells, but I don't use them on defenceless muggle-born _children,_ Lily. I may have used the Bat-Bogey hex on Snape once, but it didn't really cut his body in two, did it?"

"Sirius, I'm sorry," Lily bit her lip. "I didn't mean to say that... It's just that... Severus isn't a completely terrible person. I swear. He just has a rough time, you know. At home _and_ at school. Not even the Slytherins like him very much because he's a half-blood."

"'S alright, Evans," Sirius grinned at her, nudging her with his elbow. "But wait," he frowned, "Severus is a half-blood?"

Lily blushed a deep scarlet. "I... I didn't mean to..." She was interrupted by James hopping on to the seat next to her. "Hey, Lily," he smiled. Sirius burst out laughing, unable to help it. Merlin, James was such a clown. James glared at him while Lily shifted in her seat, looking—more like _trying_ to look—uncomfortable. Sirius saw Peter running across the pitch towards them.

_Did_ _he really leave Remus alone? With only two days to the full moon?_

Sirius excused himself and ran in the opposite direction, waving at Peter as they crossed each other. He made his way out of the Pitch and into the school, up the stairs and in through the portrait. Three fourth year girls were sitting by the fire, and the same two brothers he had seen the day before were playing a card game at their usual table.

But no Remus.

_He must be in pain..._

Sirius practically flew up the stairs and into their dorm. Sure enough, tightly curled up into a ball with his back to the door was Remus.


	13. Chapter 13

He reached for Remus' shoulder, but on a whim not preceded by any emotion or thought, let his fingertips brush over his cheek instead. He could feel the ridge created by the angry, white scar on his skin. There was a trace of stubble on his cheeks which made Sirius smile. Remus absolutely _loathed_ facial hair.

He pressed his palm on to Remus' cheek. "Moony," he murmured softly, almost inaudibly.

Remus' eyes fluttered beneath his lashes.

"Remus," Sirius spoke a little louder this time. Remus peeled his eyes open. They were a dull, dark green as they stared back at Sirius. "Sirius..." his voice was hoarse as he spoke. Sirius didn't want to remove his hand. Remus' skin was warm. He was always so warm. All of a sudden, he felt guilty for waking Remus.

"I shouldn't have woken you up... I'm sorry,"

"It's alright... I doubt I could've slept for much longer anyway," Remus assured him.

"Does it hurt?" Sirius dared to rub a slow circle on Remus' cheek with his thumb. His chest felt suddenly so tight. His blood pumped a little faster and his mouth went dry.

_Remus was so warm._

Sirius heard Remus' breath hitch, and saw his shoulders tense up. When Remus' eyes fluttered closed again, he guided his fingers into Remus' soft brown hair. They ran through it in slow, almost lazy strokes.

_So soft..._

Maybe if Remus opened his eyes, Sirius would have withdrawn his hand. But he didn't.

Again Sirius asked, "Does it hurt, Remus?"

Remus opened his eyes. They were still an uncharacteristically dark shade of green, much like the treetops of the Forbidden Forest. "A little," Remus sighed. His eyes, dark and unreadable, held on to Sirius' own. Sirius forced himself to breathe, but didn't remove his hand.

"Where does..." His voice faltered, and he had to take a deep breath. He let his fingers relax, letting them lie idly in Remus' hair. "Where does it hurt?"

His gaze flickered to Remus' lips when they parted slightly. He tore his eyes away and forced them to hold Remus' deep stare instead. When Remus licked his lips and inhaled sharply, Sirius couldn't tell if it was because of the pain or... or because of something else.

"Everything hurts," Remus whispered. Sirius tried not to wince at the sudden blow to his chest. He placed his hand on Remus' forehead and pushed his fringe out of his face. His forehead was warm. Warmer than it should've been.

"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered back, finally removing his hand from Remus' skin.

_Why were they whispering?_

Sirius felt cold, even if the tips of his fingers still retained some of Remus—some part of him that Sirius couldn't really name. It felt like a tingle. _A tingle of Remus._

Before Sirius could pull his hand back, Remus caught his wrist, and Sirius forgot how to breathe. His chest stilled. The small hairs on his arms stood erect. His lips parted to make way for a deep exhale. Small raindrops started to hit the window next to them, and the room started to slowly spin.

Remus pushed himself to sit up, and pulled Sirius closer by the wrist. On the verge of collapsing forward on to Remus, Sirius barely noticed that Remus' eyes were no longer on his. That he was looking at something else.

"What the hell is this?" His voice was sharp and intense enough to pull Sirius out of his trance. He followed Remus' gaze, and all of a sudden, he just wanted to get as far away from Remus as he could. In vain, Sirius tried to pull himself away, but Remus caught his other hand as well. 

"Sirius," he groaned. "Stop struggling, _Sirius!_ "Realising that he was potentially hurting Remus, Sirius gave himself up. He stopped fighting Remus' grip, surprisingly strong around his own frail wrists.

"What are these, Sirius?" Remus asked gently, slowly releasing him.

Sirius felt sick.

His heart was beating so wildly that it felt as if it was banging against his ribcage, begging to be let out like a trapped bird. He felt the cold sweat forming on his palms. Every breath became harder to drag in through his lips, every drop of air burning its way down his throat. Every desperate gasp he let out reverberated throughout his entire chest, sending a wave of pain across his ribs and down his spine. He couldn't see anything, it was all a hopeless mess of Remus and curtains and raindrops on the window but nothing made sense.

"Sirius," he heard Remus say. There was a hand on his right shoulder, another hand on his left cheek. "Sirius!" A pat on his cheek, a shake on his shoulder.

"Sirius, please say something," a desperate call, the warmth of both of Remus' hands spreading down his cheeks into his skin. And a pause so quiet it felt almost violent.

"Please, you've got to snap out of it," a quiet plea. Sirius clung to Remus' jumper, wanting nothing but to fucking _breathe_.

"Please, I'm sorry," Desperate. Urgent. Afraid.

Sirius tried, he tried so hard, to just breathe in. When did it become such menial work, dragging what was everywhere around you into your chest? He made himself focus on Remus' hands. On how gentle his touch was, and how rough his palms were. He focused on the warmth they fed his skin. And listened to the frightened tremor of Remus' voice as it pleaded and called his name.

"I can't..." he managed to gasp out, "I... I can't... breathe..."

"You can," Remus whispered, hands gently pulling Sirius so that he was leaning forward. "We're safe here, we're at Hogwarts. We're in our dorm... see that bed with the sheets undone? That's James' bed. And here, right next to us... this is your bed. Do you see that book? That's actually mine. You wanted me to stop reading and go to bed last night, so you took it away, remember?" Sirius was too busy trying not to cry to notice the crack in Remus' voice. "Please," he whispered, his hands limp on Sirius' shoulders.

Although not at a healthy rate, Sirius felt his breathing slowly become steadier. Beads of sweat were rolling down the sides of his face, but Sirius rested his forehead on Remus' chest anyway.

The two boys held each other with a desperation they had never really felt before. Each of them scared of losing the other, and scared on behalf of the other.

Sirius could pick up the racing heartbeat echoing through Remus' chest, only slightly slower than his own. He slowly let go of Remus' jumper which had remained bunched up in his fingers, and was now creased. He hated the silence that enshrouded them. This silence was all things bad.

Shock. Fear. Confusion.

"Keep talking," Sirius pleaded, too tired to raise his head. "Please, just keep talking to me."

And that's how Remus started telling him about the baked apples his mom would make him, how he'd once seen a most peculiar thing called _popping candy_ which exploded in your mouth at a Muggle store, how he'd once spent a whole year mapping out the constellations of the sky and how they changed position as the year passed. Somewhere in the middle of listening to how Remus' mother had once made his father cast a concealment charm on his books so that he would come out of his room for food, Sirius fell asleep. So Remus gently removed Sirius' cloak and moved his head on to the pillow. He removed Sirius' wand from the pocket in his cloak, placed it on his nightstand, neatly folded the cloak, and placed it on a chair. He removed Sirius' shoes and his tie, and put them away as well.

Outside, the rain had intensified. He sat down next to Sirius again, and moved his hair away from his eyes. The curls were damp with sweat were sticking to his forehead. Remus then moved his eyes back to Sirius' wrist. Gently, he turned it over so that he could observe the dark circular marks littering the pale skin on the underside of Sirius' hand. They were most abundant near his palm, but were scattered all the way up to his elbow, and disappeared under the rolled up sleeves of his shirt. Remus stared for a minute, horrified. He found himself recoiling at the sight, but he couldn't look away.

Until, with a wave of shock, realisation hit him.


	14. Chapter 14

James and Peter couldn't have looked more like themselves as they barged into their room. They were happy, happy and so full of it. Their smiles were wide, teeth showing, and their shirts were appropriately creased. Droplets of water were still dripping from their hair. Remus was still sitting next to Sirius, peacefully asleep. With a smile, James noticed that they were on Remus' bed. However, when his eyes met Remus', his smile fell.

"Hey, Pete, I just remembered," he started, "There's a prefects' meeting in fifteen minutes." He gave Remus a look. "Oh, yeah, we do... I can't believe I'd forgotten all about it," Remus said, playing along. He turned to Peter. "But Sirius is feeling a little sick... Think you can stay here with him, Pete?"

Peter looked at Sirius. "What's wrong with him?" He asked, moving over to get a closer look. "Just... a lot going on, I'm guessing," Remus shrugged. Peter frowned as he looked at Sirius' sleeping figure. "I was going to finish my Divination homework with Felicity from Hufflepuff... but that can wait. You guys go. I'll stay with Padfoot," he said softly, not looking away.

"He'll be alright, Wormy. Don't worry." James ruffled his hair. He grabbed a change of clothes and disappeared. Remus gave Peter a small pat on the back before he left for the common room, where he waited for James to join him.

James came back in fresh clothes. They walked out of the Gryiffindor Tower, strolling along the corridors until they found an empty classroom. They walked inside. James hopped on to a desk, and Remus sat down on a chair in front of him.

"What happened?" James asked as soon as they had settled down. Remus played with his fingers, trying to figure out where to start. "He had some sort of a fit, James. Like an anxiety spell... or attack," he said slowly. James frowned, his forehead crinkling as his eyebrows drew close together. "An _anxiety_ _attack_? But he was doing fine in the morning... Had he gone to see Regulus by himself?"

"No, James, it's not that." Remus shuddered as he remembered the marks on Sirius' skin. "There were some... scars on his skin..."

"But I already told you about that," James interjected. Remus shook his head, "No. Not that. They were on his left hand. Small circles all over his skin, James. Like... like _burns._ "

James furrowed his eyebrows as he fell into deep thought. "Burns? Like someone burned him?"

Remus didn't want to speak the words out loud, but he did anyway. They felt ugly and bitter as they rolled out of his tongue. "I think he did it himself."

***

When Sirius woke up, Remus was gone. Instead, Peter was sitting on the floor next to him, dragging his wand along the floor. "Hey, Padfoot," he smiled.

Sirius shot him a lazy smile in return. He stretched, sat up, and then yawned. "What's up, Wormtail?"

"Nothing much," Peter shrugged, "Do you feel better now?"

"Yeah, tons. Where are James and Remus?"

"Prefects' meeting."

As he spoke Remus' name, Sirius' chest tightened a little. Remus had seen the burns. The burns which Sirius had kept hidden with a very carefully performed Disillusionment Charm. He hadn't even realised it had worn off. Sirius bit his lip, trying to calm his racing heart.

"Hey, Padfoot," Peter shook his shoulder. Sirius looked at him. "You sure you okay?"

"Yeah..." Sirius leaned out of bed to ruffle Peter's hair. "I was thinking of going to see Regulus. I'll be back soon, okay?."

"Shall I come with you?"

"No... it's okay. I won't take long." Sirius grabbed his cloak and put it on. He tied his hair up and stuck his wand through it. He went to his bed and tucked Regulus' notebook into his cloak. Since it was under a charm, Peter couldn't see what it was. "See you, Pete," Sirius grinned. "Uh," Peter waved, "Bye!"

Sirius rushed outside, praying he wouldn't come face to face with James or Remus. He checked to see whether the Marauder's Map was still inside the pocket of his cloak. It was.

Once he found a secluded corner far away from the tower, he carefully unfolded the map. "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good," he spoke softly. He watched the map reveal itself in deep red ink. Sirius looked around once more to make sure that he was alone, He then returned his eyes to the map to look for the person he needed to find. Once spotting his name on the map, Sirius made his way into the library.

The library wasn't very crowded, but it didn't provide the privacy Sirius would've liked. However, his subject of interest had always been one to isolate himself.

Sirius dragged a chair out and sat down next to Severus Snape. The Slytherin boy looked up from a mutilated copy of what Sirius suspected to be _Advanced Potion Making._ There was writing all over the margins, untidy scribbles so unlike Regulus' precise cursive.

"What do you want?" Severus glared at him.

"Blackroot potion. What do you know about it?"

Severus glared even harder at Sirius. "And what possible miscalculation makes you assume I would help you, Black?" He hissed, looking around to make sure that no one was listening.

"Well, you already did, once," Sirius smirked, "But if you don't want to, that's alright, too." Sirius' eyes were dark as he flashed Snape a cold smile. For a moment, Severus was struck by how well he could've fit in to Slytherin with that demeanour. "It's just that I heard there's this secret..." Sirius leaned in, lowering his voice, "That you're... not what the Slytherins expect of wizards. Quite shocking, because you fit right in," Sirius gave an amused little huff. "I'm sure at least _some_ Slytherins know about this well enough. But imagine if word got out Gryffindor... or Ravenclaw. Or even the Hufflepuff _children_ you're so fond of hexing behind the Professors' backs." He watched the boy go pale, his black eyes now too weak to return Sirius' gaze.

"How do you know?" Severus asked after a long, tense pause. Sirius grinned at him. "Doesn't matter, does it?"

Severus looked around. "North Tower." He said before standing up and leaving the library. He didn't wait for Sirius to follow. Sirius let him go on for a minute and then went after him, his walk deliberately calm and cool to avoid any suspicion. He took a route different from Severus. When they met up in the deserted tower, Severus led the way into an empty classroom.

Of course Sirius knew this room. He knew every corner of the _entire_ school _._ But this particular class was always empty, bare stone walls with just two massive windows and rows of desks and chairs. No hangings on the walls, no ornaments on the desk. However, a desk at the back had several candles stuck to it. Severus lit them with a flick of his wand.

The two boys sat down, and Severus started to speak. "Six or seven months ago, before in the middle of sixth year, Regulus asked me to help him with a new potion he was making. He had the most exceptional idea of combining a spell and a potion. I never believed it possible," Severus admitted, running his finger along the spine of his worn out textbook. Noticing that Sirius didn't have anything to say, he resumed. "Regulus had no desire to harm anyone. It was supposed to involve the Dark Arts, of course. But not for causing damage. His idea was to brew a potion to take before dueling. Something to counter offensive spells so that their effect wouldn't be harmful anymore."

There was another pause. "We worked on it, but couldn't succeed with commonplace ingredients. And then your parents found out."

Sirius drew in a deep breath, curling his hands into fists. Severus continued to explain.

"They saw the potential of this new type of magic. Regulus didn't want to create any more curses but he had little choice. After sixth year ended, your parents sent for me. I agreed to help Regulus, just out of curiosity. He had already developed something. We tested it on animals until we got it right. Later on, your parents managed to curse a homeless muggle with 'Nigrae radicae' without our knowledge. It was the only way to make Regulus find a proper cure, they said. But Regulus wanted to inform someone about it, said it was wrong, and-"

"And when they couldn't ensure his silence, they used it on him." Sirius growled, his fists clenched. Severus looked at him, quiet.

_But they loved Regulus so much... they would never hurt him._

"He was the only one who had the exact recipe for the potion. He ended up perfecting it himself."

"And you didn't help at all?" Sirius looked suspicious. "I did. In the earlier stages. But he modified it to such a degree, that I might as well start from scratch were I to reproduce it. But he hadn't mastered the lightning spell. I cast it whenever necessary."

Sirius' eyes flashed a murderous black. In a second, he was out of his seat, pulling Severus up by the collar. He pushed him into the wall, pulled his wand out of his hair, and pressed it against Severus' throat. Severus tried to reach his own wand which was inside his cloak, but couldn't.

"You cursed him? Knowing that damned thing... whatever it is, doesn't even have a cure?" Sirius growled lowly, his face now almost white.

"I... I didn't," Severus choked out. Sirius loosened his wand against his throat, but still held him pinned to the wall. "I never cast it on Regulus."

Sirius looked at him for a while, his eyes slowly losing their wild rage as they turned dull. With a jerk, he let go of Severus, wand still pointed at him.

"Tell me everything. I want to know it all."


	15. Chapter 15

By some unspoken arrangement, Sirius Black and Severus Snape ended up walking to the hospital wing together. The previous considerations of possible tainted reputations or suspicions resulting from them seen together no longer held any power over either of them. Anyway, they met no one on their way except for Professor Slughorn, whose eyebrows raised themselves in surprise, and a couple of unsuspecting fourth year Hufflepuffs on their way to the library with quills and parchment in hand.

The hospital wing was empty except for Regulus. And Madam Pomfrey of course. She made no effort to hide her surprise upon seeing the two boys together. There rivalry was by no means a secret, even if it was simply left to itself, to either fester into something more or to resolve itself. Hogwarts was really considerate like that.

Sirius couldn't be bothered greeting her, so he simply walked over to Regulus and unbuttoned the top of his shirt. A small black tendril had almost spread to where his heart would be.

"It won't make any difference," Severus said quietly, glancing at Madam Pomfrey who was arranging vials of potions on a rack, far away from them. Sirius looked at him, puzzled. "Whether it reaches his heart or not. It won't kill him," Severus explained.

"So he'll just... be unconscious? Forever?"

"Unless something else kills him, yes."

His dark eyes fell on Sirius' wand. "Ebony..." he muttered to himself, "Quite good for Dark Arts..." 

Sirius gave him a dirty look. "Shame," he said, voice so bitter he could taste it. "It'll go to waste." He stepped closer to Regulus, and stood watching him for what Severus felt like three hours. Once he was done, they left the hospital wing in silence.

"Is he not going to wake up? Ever?" Sirius asked as they walked towards the fourth floor corridor.

"Until we find the cure, there's no waking him up. The condition is permanent, it doesn't wear off."

Sirius halted. Noticing that he was walking alone, Severus turned around.

 _"We?"_ Sirius frowned. Severus opened his mouth to correct himself, but realised that he didn't want Regulus to die either, even if he didn't like Regulus—he didn't like _anyone_ —and even if Regulus had, out of nowhere, turned into a bit of an insufferable brat. They were by no means friends, himself and Regulus. Severus neither had nor needed friends. They drained his energy—at least he thought they would, if he were to have any—and he just couldn't be bothered.

But the two boys had spent so much time talking potions and trying to improve their skills at hexes and jinxes together. He didn't have a lot of friends, and Regulus had come as close to a friend as Severus could have. Even now, after his sudden change in personality, he hadn't been pushing Severus around like the rest of the Slytherins. If anything, he had been _avoiding_ Severus. He wondered if that had something to do with the curse.

Severus told himself that he wasn't doing it for Sirius or even Regulus. He was doing it for the one person in the entire school who had taken the time to get to know him.

_"But you're not like them, Severus. You're... You're good!"_

He would do it for her. He knew he wasn't a good person. And it's not like he had any desire to be one. But he could do one good thing. Just this one.

He cleared his throat. "You really have two options... or three. You do it with your friends, you do it with me, or you do it yourself," Severus said. "Your friends will want to tell the teachers, and then Regulus will have to be expelled for meddling too much with the Dark Arts, even if he's cured. And do you really think you'd be able to do it yourself?"

"Why do you want to help me?"

_Because I don't want Regulus to die. Because I want..._

"Academic purposes, Sirius. I know they hardly mean anything to you, but I helped develop this curse. If anything, I am obliged to find a cure for it."

Sirius had never taken Severus to be a person of honour, but he didn't care. Severus was right. Remus had _already_ proposed going to McGonagall. He handed Regulus book to Severus, who pocketed it. They started walking again.

"Next Friday, midnight, Slughorn's cupboard," Severus said as they reached the Grand Staircase. Sirius gave hi a curt nod in response. The two boys parted, one descending towards the Slytherin dungeons, the other strolling up towards Gryffindor tower entrance.

Sirius' head wasn't exactly crystal clear as he entered the common room. So much had happened, and he'd found out so much. So much for him to think about. _Severus, Regulus, his parents, the cure, the new kind of magic..._

His friends were not inside the common room. He went to climb the stairs leading their dorm, and stopped himself. If he went in now, they'd all hover over him. Asking him how it went, discussing what to do, ensuring his comfort...

And then there was Remus.

Remus who had seen something he never should have. Remus who had held him while he was falling apart under the weight of the world. Remus who would offer to go for a walk right now, even if it's raining and cold. Remus who would somehow ask about what he had seen.

Sirius turned back.

What he needed was time. Alone. A lot of it.

He hurried outside, descended the stairs and rushed outside despite the heavy rain. No one saw him slip away into the tunnel under the Whomping Willow.

***

James wanted to whack Peter with his broomstick when he told them that Sirius had gone to see Regulus alone. Remus placed a hand on his shoulder, seeming to pick up on his frustration.

"Didn't you say you had homework?" James asked Peter. Peter nodded. "I guess you can get that done now..." James sighed. Despite his irritation, he couldn't help but smile a little as he watched Peter skip off. He threw his cloak off and flopped down on Remus' bed. Sighing, Remus sat down on Sirius'.

"James," Remus jolted up suddenly. "What? What is it?" James raised himself up on his elbows. "Where did Sirius put that notebook?" Remus frowned.

"He put it in his drawer..."

Remus carefully emptied the drawer. There was no notebook. He carefully ran his fingers along the wood, feeling for the notebook in case Sirius had placed a Disillusionment Charm or Bedazzling Hex over it. But the wood was perfectly flat. "It's not here."

James stood up and walked over to him. "Maybe he took it with him..."

"It's an awful lot of time to be spending at the hospital wing, James. We should go see."

The two set off, not speaking much on the way due to how worried they were. They learnt from Madam Pomfrey that Sirius _and Severus_ had been there just a small while ago. They exchanged a look. _Sirius and Severus, together?_

"Where could they have gone?" Remus murmured as they left the Hospital Wing, already feeling uneasy. "Do you have the map, James?"

"Yeah, I gave it to... Oh Merlin," James slapped his forehead. "What? Where is it?"

"With Sirius!" James groaned.

Remus wanted to take a deep breath and fucking _scream._ He resorted to just doing the first. "Okay," he forced his voice to be calm, " We'll start from the rooftop. We have to find him before he does something stupid."

They couldn't find him in time for dinner.

Remus, James and Peter were huddled together at the Gryffindor table when Lily leaned over. "Did you look everywhere?" She asked James who nodded in response. She frowned, suddenly remembering her unintentional jab at his feelings. "He's not anywhere inside the school," Peter murmured, nibbling on a turkey sandwich. Which said a lot about how he was feeling, because Remus had never seen him _nibble_ on anything. Peter's teeth hardly came to play when he ate. Food wasted little time in going straight down to his stomach.

_But wait. Inside the school..._

Remus and James turned to each other at the same moment, their eyes meeting in a meaningful look. They hurried to finish dinner, and very conspicuously 'went to bed'.

"Where's Sirius?" A sixth year boy asked as they entered the common room. "Hospital wing... he had a bad headache since morning," James said with no hesitation. Being Prefects, they could hang around in the common room until the lights were put out and everything fell into silence.

Quietly, Remus and James got back upstairs, where Peter had already fallen asleep. Remus was suddenly glad for the broomstick Sirius had pushed under his bed. As they had done many nights before, the two boys soundlessly threw the window open. James flew out on the broomstick.

"Fuck, Sirius," Remus whispered as he got on to the window ledge, trying not to look down. "You better be really hurt or I'll do it myself." James snorted. "Get on, Moons," He grinned, "I promise you I'll catch you if you fall." Remus managed to mount the broomstick without falling to his death. He carefully shut the window. James' Quidditch skills _did_ have some use after all.

They reached the Whomping Willow in no time. Remus froze the tree so that it wouldn't make them into Gryffindor pie, and they quietly slid into the opening under it.


	16. Chapter 16

The Shrieking Shack was empty.

James couldn't believe it. They had no way of knowing where Sirius was. For all they knew, he could be sleeping in their dorm. But James knew that was about as probable as Regulus having woken up and now drinking tea with Dumbledore in his office. Anxious, he turned to Remus for comfort. Remus looked pale, almost white. James dropped the broomstick and launched forward to grab his arms him as he toppled forward. He gently guided Remus to the floor. His skin was burning. 

_One more night until the full moon._

"Remus, hey," James brushed his hair out of his eyes. "We need to go back. We'll go back right now, okay?" He had no just how much pain Remus was going through. Remus had never seemed too enthusiastic talking about anything related to his lycanthropy. Most of what James knew was from books they'd read in the library. "Sirius must be fine. He knows how to take care of himself, Come on." He helped Remus stand up.

Remus muttered a soft apology, but James didn't care. It was so unfair. It was so unfair how the best people were always the ones thrown into the worst situations.

They got back to their dorm safe and undiscovered. James supported Remus to his bed, and helped him lie down.

"Just rest, Moony. Everything will turn out okay."

***

Remus couldn't sleep. He had less than a day until he'd have to turn into a werewolf. Less than a day until all that pain. But that was not his biggest worry.

_Where are you, Sirius? Where are you?_

He shivered to think of what had happened in the morning. Sirius clinging on to him, gasping for air... He had never seen Sirius like that, and he never wanted to again.

_Not inside the school..._

Remus shot up. His back screamed in protest, but he didn't care. With wobbly legs, he stumbled out of the tower and ran as fast as he could in the dark despite the burning in his muscles.

 _"_ _Dissendium_ _!"_ He tapped the statue of the one-eyed witch. It moved, revealing a small opening in the floor. Remus heaved himself in, and heard the statue move back. It was pitch black inside. _"Lumos,"_ he whispered, and his wand lit up. Panting, Remus crawled out of the tight passageway. He was now in the cellar of Honeyduke's, the sweet shop at Hogsmeade.

He didn't like the eerie silence.

"Remus? Is that you?"

Remus didn't know if he'd ever felt such a great degree of relief. He turned around, where Sirius was curled up next to a a pile of large crates. 

Sirius wasted no time in getting to his feet. He had thought isolating himself would do him good, but he had been wrong. He could see how Remus was barely holding himself on his two feet, how he was almost swaying as he stood.

The two boys moved towards each other with no conscious thoughts in their minds but the unbearable ache to touch the other. As they met in a tight embrace, Sirius couldn't tell which one of them was supporting the other. They were both weak, tired and relieved. And so they just clung to each other without speaking.

Remus was the first to pull away. They sat down where Sirius had been sitting, and Remus placed his wand on the floor. "Why did you leave the school, Sirius? You could've told us," he frowned, his eyes sweeping over Sirius and taking him in. "You could've at least told Peter. We were so worried... Thank Merlin none of the teachers noticed."

Sirius sighed. He had known this was coming. But how could he explain? "I just wanted to be alone for a while, Remus. I went to the Shack-"

"We looked for you there."

"I knew you would," Sirius sighed again, a little guilty. "So I sneaked in here. And then I just... fell asleep. I only woke up when I heard you." Sirius scooted closer so that he could lay his head on Remus' shoulder. As if by reflex, Remus' arm found its way around his lean frame. Remus always smelled of the best things, chocolate and old parchment and peppermint oil which he always dabbed on his clothes.

"I was so scared," Remus whispered.

A heavy wave of guilt clawed at Sirius' chest. He turned his face up to look at Remus, whose eyes were somewhere far away. "I'm sorry," Sirius whispered back. He was aware of the way his lips ever so lightly brushed against the soft skin of Remus' neck. A ghost of a touch. "You're in pain, aren't you?" He wondered how it would feel if he could press just one soft kiss on Remus' skin. He would only have to move forward by half an inch. No, even less than that.

"It's nothing I can't take." Remus' eyes were still focused on that faraway place, and his lips were pursed.

"Are you..." Sirius swallowed, "Are you angry at me, Remus?"

Remus finally turned his face to look at Sirius. His face was unreadable in the dim light produced by his wand. He kept quiet for a minute, and then simply asked, "What were you doing with Severus?"

Sirius sighed deeply. "I gave Regulus' notebook back to him."

Remus frowned. "What? Why?"

"He'll study it... Help find the cure for Nigrae Radicae."

"But... Sirius..." Remus drew in a deep breath. "Why would he help you?"

Sirius didn't want to reveal his methods of _persuasion._ "Said Regulus was his friend." Remus looked dubious. "I have my ways of getting things done, Remus." Remus knew it would be of no use questioning him any further.

Sirius prepared himself for what Remus would ask next. And he really, really didn't want it to happen. Maybe if he pretended to fall asleep...

"I haven't forgotten, you know." Remus shifted slightly, drawing away from Sirius to face him properly. An unpleasant lump formed in Sirius' throat. He clenched his fists. "You did it yourself, didn't you?" Remus asked quietly. Sirius' eyes found his hands, refusing to move away from the curled fingers. He couldn't look up. He just couldn't. "Was it the cigarettes, Sirius?" Sirius gave a small nod. The room felt stuffy and he couldn't breathe.

He saw Remus' hands reach for his, but he still didn't dare look up. "How long has this gone on for?"

Shakily, Sirius replied, "Only... only a few weeks." That didn't make it any better, he knew. He forced himself to focus on what was happening know, to feel the burning heat of Remus' skin.

"Can you please look at me?" Remus asked, voice barely audible. Sirius tried to raise his eyes, but he couldn't quite meet those of Remus.

Remus waited. After some time, their eyes finally fell on each other's. Sirius tried desperately to not let his tears form. It wasn't difficult, he'd had at least a decade of practice.

"Why?" Remus' voice had now dropped to a whisper. Sirius could no longer hold his gaze. He felt Remus let go of his hands and rest them on the back of his waist instead, pushing Sirius a little forward toward himself.

Sirius shook his head. "No... I..." he squeezed his eyes shut. It was too much. Too soon. "Please don't ask me, Remus." He placed his hands on Remus' cheeks. The scars that usually stood out so much were rendered barely visible due to the lack of proper lighting.

"Why not?" Remus asked.

Sirius shook his head again, dropping his hands from Remus' cheeks and on to the base of his neck. He pressed his forehead on Remus' chest, wishing the conversation would cease. But he knew that Remus wouldn't let it go. He would ask again. If not at that moment, then the next day. And if not the next day, somewhere next week. There was no avoiding it.

"Am I just supposed to do nothing while you hurt yourself, Sirius?" Remus' breath fanned his ear. His voice was soft, but the words cut through Sirius like a Gryffin claw. Sirius pulled back just enough to look at Remus properly. It hurt to look at his eyes, but Sirius knew it had to be done.

Sirius urged his face closer to Remus'. He could make out the small faded scars on his jaw. He titled his face up. _A little closer_. Sirius had never, ever been so close to someone. Not with their lips brushing, close enough to breathe for the other. "I'm sorry." His lips grazed Remus' as he whispered out. He watched Remus' eyes flutter closed. His heart felt so heavy in his chest, and the dead of the silence was drowning under his increasingly loud heartbeat which was pulsing through his ears in an erratic march.

_I'm sorry._

Just a little closer. Another brush of their lips. A little longer, a little more desperate. A little more firm. And a lot more painful to bear.

_I'm sorry._

Very, very slowly, Sirius let his left hand drop from Remus' neck. He tilted his head to press a soft kiss on Remus' jaw as his hand found his wand from beside himself on the floor.

_I'm sorry, Remus._

He pulled back just enough and raised his wand. He had imagined that Remus would be on the other end of his wand when he chanted,

_"Obliviate!"_


	17. Chapter 17

Remus blinked his eyes open before gently moving Sirius away. "Why's your wand pointed at me?" He asked. His lips had a small tingle on them.

_Did he kiss me?_

_No... but almost... I think?_

"It's not," Sirius smiled. Remus frowned. Something was wrong with the way he was smiling. "I was going to put it in my hair." Sirius proceeded to tie his hair back, and slipped the wand through it. He kept his eyes focused somewhere behind Remus. "We should go, Remus. You need rest." Sirius stood up and held his hand out for Remus to take. Remus grabbed his wand and pulled himself up. The two descended into the tunnel, shoulders pressed together.

 _"Nox!"_ Remus put the light at the tip of his wand out before they crawled out from the opening and into the school corridor. He walked slowly. He felt dizzy and sick, and crawling into and out of the tunnel had worsened his back. It felt like his whole body was weeping in pain.

Not saying anything, Sirius just wrapped an arm around Remus' waist, supporting his weight as they walked towards their dormitory. The Fat Lady was asleep. Sirius gently tapped her frame to wake her. When she opened her eyes, face red with anger, but it immediately melted into a large smile upon seeing Sirius.

Because Sirius could flirt with a tree and charm it if he wanted to.

"Darling, so late?"

"Yeah.." Sirius smiled, "We just had something to deal with."

The Fat Lady looked from Remus to Sirius, her eyes lingering on Sirius' arm that was wrapped around Remus' waist. "Password?" 

Remus wondered whether her voice was actually higher than before or he was just imagining it. 

"Polyjuice Potion," Sirius said softly. "Good night," he called to the painting before helping Remus inside and slipping in behind him. The portrait fell back in place.

The two boys went upstairs into their dormitory, where Sirius helped Remus into bed. He disappeared for a second, and Remus listened to him rummaging through his trunk. He came back with a small vial in his hands. "Sleeping draught," he murmured, uncorking it. Remus took it with a soft _thanks_ and helped himself to a small amount.

"Keep it with you," Sirius said, squeezing Remus' shoulder. "You need it more than I do."

"Thank you," Remus whispered. He watched Sirius get into his own bed, not even bothered with changing. They only had three or four hours to sleep, and he doubted Sirius would sleep even half of that. Feeling himself grow drowsy, Remus closed his eyes. Even so. something was making him uneasy, something he couldn't figure out. But the potion worked its magic too quick for him to think ponder over it, and he quickly fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

***

Sirius could've afforded to take some of that sleeping draught.

He couldn't come to terms with he'd done. Erasing Remus' memory just to avoid a conversation? On a scale of one to ten of horribleness, it probably ranked at _sending you straight to hell_.

The guilt was eating up at him, but not just because of what he'd done to Remus.

He thought back to the two months he'd spent at 12, Grimmauld Place—the Black Mansion. He should've known something was different with Regulus. When Regulus had only stayed at home the first three days, when he hadn't spoken to him even during that time... he should've known. But Sirius had had other obstacles. His mother had been as merciless as ever. She'd refused to talk to him at all, which shouldn't have hurt him but still somehow did. She had taken one look at him, and scoffed in disgust. And it had hurt him just as much as it would've when he was in first year. At least Regulus had looked away then, unable to watch his beloved mother turn her nose up at her own son.

When Orion Black asked him to spend the vacation at _home,_ what had made Sirius agree? What had he been thinking? That they'd welcome their firstborn with open arms? Orion had hardly stayed at home. Along with Regulus, he too had disappeared three days into the vacation.

Sirius shivered to think that they must've left to work on Nigrae radicae. Or whatever other Dark magic they were messing with.

Hearing Remus groan next to him, he snapped out of his thoughts. He watched Remus stretch in his sleep. It reminded him of how close they were inside the cellar of Honeyduke's mere minutes ago. Sirius wished they could've kissed. He wondered what Remus tasted like.

_Probably chocolate. Unless he brushed his teeth. In that case, mint._

Somewhere between his last coherent thoughts and the earliest rays of the autumn sun, he fell into a fitful, broken sleep.

***

The next day was awful. James kept glancing at Remus and Sirius, worried for the both of them. Remus had briefly explained how he'd found Sirius at Honeyduke's, but Sirius still was not in the most agreeable mood. Something told James that Remus' impending transformation was not the only thing bothering him. But there was no time to ask about it.

Sirius made himself busy fretting over Remus. They took the same lessons, and Sirius refused to move from Remus' side all day. He carried Remus' books for him, held his arm while they walked, kept up a steady supply of fine quality chocolate, and even helped Remus at Potions.

None of that, or the incessant pain settling into his bones kept Remus from noticing how pale and tired Sirius himself looked.

Peter, oblivious to a large part of their problems, attributed the worry-fest to the full moon that would soon appear.

As customary. all four friends went to the Whomping Willow a little while after lessons were over. By now, Remus was sweating, his eyes were dulled with pain, and he could barely talk out of anxiety. Once a month for more than a decade, he had gone through this. But it never became any easier. Never made him any less afraid.

Sirius looked at James after Remus had gone in. Peter had already started walking back. "I want to go in," Sirius said. James wanted to protest, but Sirius looked so distraught that he couldn't find it in himself to say no. "Turn yourself before Remus turns into a wolf, okay? Please be careful, Pads. One werewolf is enough on our plates." James gave a cheeky grin at the end, which spread on to Sirius' face as a small, sweet smile.

James watched as his best friend disappeared into the tunnel. He turned back and jogged over to Peter who, finally having noticed that he was alone, had stopped and turned back. "Where did Padfoot go?" He asked, his pale yellow hair glistening golden in the setting sun. James looked back at the tree once more.

"Where do you think?" He laughed. Peter took a while to realise what he meant, and frowned. "Do you think he'll be okay?"

"As much as I'd love for Moony to bite our dearest Padfoot, it won't happen tonight." James started walking, his eyes sparkling mischievously.

Peter frowned, confused. "Oh," he whispered when he realised what James was alluding to. His face turned a deep scarlet.

"Yes, Wormtail. _Oh._ Now come on, I'm starving."

***

Remus was pleasantly surprised when Sirius walked into his room in the Shack. Sirius shrugged as he flopped down on the bed. "Can't go without looking at my face for a couple hours?" Remus asked, turning away from the window from which he'd been watching the road.

"It _is_ quite pretty," Sirius agreed, smiling a little.

"Pretty? _Right._ " Remus rolled his eyes. He took a piece of chocolate from his pocket and broke it in two. Sirius took his half, muttering a thanks. A moment later, he asked, "Don't you believe me?"

"No, not really," Remus laughed.

Sirius shrugged, "That's too bad. I think it's _very_ pretty."

"I feel a little emasculated," Remus munched on his chocolate.

Sirius burst out laughing. "Please don't be. You're manly enough, Moons."

"Just enough?"

"Oh no, very manly. The manliest. As manly as it gets, really." Sirius grinned, earning a smack on the back of his head.

"You're an idiot, Pads. A real idiot."


	18. Chapter 18

It was Sirius and James who worked their heads off to become Animagi. Peter too, despite not being half as skilled as Sirius and James, had been desperate to help Remus, and so had worked really hard for it. James and Sirius managed to help him with his procedure, so that they could all four of them be together even when Remus was rendered helpless, trapped in the body of a mindless beast.

Peter's animal form was by no means nearly as grand or flattering as the other two. James, of course, was the most majestic. A beautiful stag. It suited him well. The boys were delighted to find out that Sirius could turn into a dog whose silky fur was as black as charcoal. Peter was stuck with the form of a common garden rat, which is what earned him the rather frivolous sobriquet of _Wormtail._

Despite all of this, Sirius had never actually seen Remus _transform._ The boys only ever went to see Remus after dinner, when he would already be in his wolf form. Werewolves were no threat to animals, so they would all be safe as long as they turned into their animal forms before entering the Shack.

On this night, however, Sirius dared to remain himself until Remus was completely gone. It wasn't just his boldness that led to this. He was frozen, unable to move or speak or even think as he watched Remus. In the eerie blue light of the moon, the beautiful green of Remus' eyes deepened into a pitch black, infernal in their lack of human conscience. Remus pushed himself off of the bed and stumbled back towards the far end of the room, voice cracking as he roared at Sirius to turn himself.

"Sirius, do it, now! It's not... safe..." he dropped to his knees, hands clawing at the wooden floorboards.

But Sirius stayed still, still unable to move as he watched Remus cry out, clawing at his own face. He watched his friend morph into something completely different, something strange and monstrous. He watched as Remus' back hunched, his face distorted and gave rise to a long snout, and his fingers sharpened into deadly claws.

Sirius knew that Remus was completely gone when the wolf looked at him, teeth bared. He wasted no time in turning to his canine form. He jumped off the bed, but kept his distance until the wolf stopped growling.

It took a while more for James and Peter to appearein their respective animal forms. It was freezing inside the run down building. The wolf raised its head to look at them, watching as the two newcomers join the black dog. A small while later, it stalked a little closer. Then a little more. And then a little more. At some point, all four of them were huddled together to keep the cold away.

They spent the night that way, and left the wolf in the morning.

The following night, the four ventured outside into Hogwarts premises. Around its non-human friends, the wolf had a disposition surprisingly mild, almost mirroring the camaraderie among the other three. It was as close to safe as the wolf would ever be, but not for a human. They roamed the Forbidden Forest under the silver moonlight, a strange little clique of assorted beasts. On the third night, the three Animagi went to sleep in the Shack, knowing the beast in the room would turn back to their beloved friend the following morning.

They woke up to the sound of howling which gradually faded into gasps, and then into quiet whimpers. Remus was back. Pale, weak and exhausted, but he was back all the same. His friends turned back into their human forms.

"Hey, Moony," James smiled at him, kneeling in front of him and covering him with a blanket. Remus could only give him a weak smile in response. Peter fetched him a glass of water from the jug at the bedside.

"Good to see your pretty face again," Sirius whispered so that only Remus heard him, and carefully fed him a little bit of chocolate.

They couldn't do anything more, lest they should be discovered. Animagi unregistered at the Ministry of Magic, like themselves, were liable to severe punishment. They rushed outside among a string of promises to come see Remus, and sneaked back into their beds at the dormitory. Hagrid the gamekeeper would take Remus to Madam Pomfrey by first period.

James and Sirius had Study of Ancient Runes. Peter had Divination, which he seemed to be quite reluctant to miss.

"Has our Wormtail found a girl?" James teased, sharing a little smirk with Sirius. They laughed with each other as Peter went redder than a Gryffindor flag, mumbling how that was not true. They sent Peter to his lesson and set off for the Hospital Tower.

***

"There's a certain _Felicity from Hufflepuff,_ " James smirked, crouching behind a large chest. The hospital wing was on the fourth floor. The rest of the floor was mostly unused, with the exception of the Prefects' Bathrooms and a few classrooms here and there. All the better when you wanted to hide away without getting caught by a Professor.

The Marauder's Map was open, and James was watching for anyone who might be coming their way. The map showed that only the two of them were there in the second floor.

"It's about time Peter found someone." Sirius kept his eyes glued on the map. "How's it going with Lily?"

"She's... talking to me."

Sirius gave three precise, slow claps. "Congratulations, James. What a stunning accomplishment," he laughed.

Despite the insult, James grinned, all wide and sunshine and a hundred percent James Potter. It felt so good to see Sirius back to himself. He knew that Sirius was far from happy. Of course he knew that. But being happy and allowing oneself to feel happiness were quite different things. And even if the former was unattainable, the latter sufficed for the moment.

"You know, Padfoot," James started. He paused to adjust his spectacles on his nose. "You're the only one of us who's never dated anyone." He leaned against the back of the chest.

Sirius shrugged. "All in due time, Prongsie."

"Are you ever going to tell him?"

Sirius shrugged again, and shot him one of his signature lazy smiles. "As I already said, all in due time."

James rolled his eyes. He'd been waiting for them to get together since _fifth_ year. Even Peter, clueless as a postbox, had secretly raved about how great they would be for each other. Hell, even the Slytherins probably shipped the two oblivious idiots.

"He's here!" James gasped, pointing at the staircase on the map. Two dots were moving up, _Rubeus_ _Hagrid_ and _Remus Lupin._

The two boys watched the dots enter the hospital wing, where a third dot called _Madam Pomfrey_ joined them. They waited until Hagrid left, and ran up the stairs to the fourth floor.

Madam Pomfrey raised her eyebrows when they rushed in, but didn't say anything. James could see how Sirius' shoulders tensed when he saw Regulus, how his smile wavered and then eventually left his face entirely. James grabbed his hand and gave it a small squeeze before pulling him over to Remus.

"Be quick about it, boys." Madam Pomfrey sighed before moving away. She knew better than to tell them to go back to class. She had given up on it somewhere in fifth year.

"Hey, Moony. How are you feeling?" James asked gently. Remus looked extremely pale, but his smile was bright as he said, "Quite good. It only hurts a little bit today." After a moment's pause he added, "You can go back to class now. I'm fine."

Of course they didn't listen.

Sirius helped him take the soup Madam Pomfrey ordered from the kitchens while James wrapped a scarf around his neck.

"Well, boys, now you really should go. Mister Lupin is in good shape, and he will be with you by dinner."

Sirius stopped to give Regulus a small kiss on the forehead before they left. He'd find a cure, soon. Severus was the best at Hogwarts for potions. Better than even Slughorn. They would find a way, and they would get Regulus back.


	19. Chapter 19

Finding the cure was a lot more difficult than brewing up a batch of potions. There was no way of testing its effectiveness.

"There's only one last vial of Blackroot potion left." Severus produced a very small, slender glass bottle with a dark purple liquid inside of it. "Whom do we give it to?" Sirius asked. Severus gave him a look. "Use your brains, Black. Find a way."

Sirius frowned. They were on the third floor. It was a restricted section of the school, but Sirius had been there before. So had James, Remus and Peter. There were enough abandoned classrooms to safely conduct there experiments here. Sirius sighed. "We can't do it to a person," he declared. Severus said nothing. He watched Sirius pull his wand from his hair, curls of his hair tumbling down in a cascade of back.

Sirius Black had always had a taste for theatre.

Sirius looked around him, and his eyes fell on the chair right next to him. He moved away from it a little. Severus watched, rendered curious by the newfound sparkle in Sirius' grey eyes. Sirius raised his wand, pointing it at the chair. A blue white light spilled from the wand, bathing the chair. Severus watched, arms crossed.

When the bright light died down, the chair was replaced by an old man who was sitting on the floor with an eerily blank expression. Sirius looked at Severus, triumphant and perhaps a bit smug. The chair, being an inanimate object, had no soul. Therefore, Sirius had essentially procured them a hollow body. An empty vessel. Perfectly useful for their experiment, all the while crossing no ethical boundaries.

Severus was rightly impressed. It was common knowledge in the school that both Sirius and James were exceptional at Transfiguration. Not that Severus needed to be reminded, having found himself more than a few times in the Hospital Wing with part of his body turned into a vegetable of some sort. Regardless, it was still impressive. Severus had never heard of a Chair-to-Man spell before.

"Alright, here's your subject," Sirius grinned, shaking his hair out of his face. "Now it's your turn, Snivellus."

***

"Don't you think you could hurry up, Snivellus?"

"Don't you think you could quiet yourself, Black?"

Sirius banged his head on the table out of frustration. It was their third day of trying to find a reversal agent for Nigrae radicae and they had made very little progress so far. Every time something worked, it would either lose its effect upon combination with another ingredient, or its effect would be either too weak or temporary. Severus raised his head to look at Sirius. He let out a sigh. He contemplated saying something. Of offering comfort. But he either decided against it, or simply couldn't find the right words.

So he turned back to the book in front of him and started skimming through the words. Something was missing. He threw the book away in frustration, seeing that it was of no use. It landed on the floor with a soft thud, but Sirius didn't react. Severus tugged at the sleeves of his robes and let out a long, tired sigh.

"Black," he called. No response. "Hey, Black."

He reached over to give the sleeping boy a shove, but stopped short. Sirius' left arm was turned wrist-up in a presumably quite uncomfortable position. But what made Severus freeze was not the pain it was bound to cause Sirius once he woke up, but the dozens of small marks scattered on his skin, all over his forearm. Some of them were annular, while others appeared as complete circles.

Severus traced a particularly dark one with his finger, causing Sirius to stir. He stretched with a small groan and sat up, shaking his hair. His eyes were full of sleep as he gave Severus a puzzled look. And then he noticed what Severus had been looking at.

Sirius' face drained of the little colour it had. Severus was almost tempted to offer him some calming draught. _Almost._ He watched Sirius fumble for his wand. Severus wondered how it was even possible for Sirius to have accumulated so many burns of that sort. Not only were they deliberate, but they were also precise.

_Could it be?_

Severus sought Sirius' mind. An image of a cigarette pressing into skin flashed in front of his head. He tried to reach deeper, but Sirius' mind was too busy to make sense of. "I can heal them." The words were out before he could really think them through. Sirius looked at him, his pale face showing obvious signs of turmoil.

He held Sirius' gaze for a while, deep in thought, but then shook his head. "I... I like them."

Severus frowned in disgust. But Sirius didn't seem affected by his reaction. Severus took hold of his arm anyway, and pulled it forward. Sirius frowned at the coldness of his touch, but didn't fight back. He kept his eyes trained on the marks as he Severus slowly traced his wand over them. They blended into his skin in the wake of the wand's touch.

Severus put his wand away and rolled Sirius' sleeve up twice more to expose all the marks and concealed them with little effort. "Use a Concealment Charm or a Disillusionment Charm. Concealing might be easier." Severus said after he was done. He withdrew his cold fingers from Sirius' skin.

"I did..." Sirius was still looking at his arm, "But it wore off. I forgot to put it on again."

Severus gave him a nonchalant shrug in response before standing up. Sirius pointed his wand at the chair-man. It turned back into its original lifeless form with a soft rattle.

"Tomorrow." Severus turned to leave.

"Snape!" Sirius called, causing Severus to turn back. "Thank you." Sirius said softly, rubbing at the skin on his arm. Severus' dark eyes fell on his, cold and unreadable as always. He looked as if he would say something, but he never did. With a dramatic flourish of his billowing cloak, he swiftly exited the classroom, as if eager to get away. And a heartbeat later, the book he'd thrown away flew out the door after him.

***

It was the thirteenth day of potion brewing with Severus. They talked less, brewed more. Every couple days, Severus took it upon himself to renew the concealment charm.

Sirius sighed as he watched their test subject lay unmoving despite Severus' potion. He flipped through the scrolls Severus had given him mindlessly. He didn't even know what he was looking for. He bit his lip as he looked out the window into the boundless night.

_Regulus..._

A sudden realization made him gasp out. "Severus!"

Severus looked up from where he was sitting. Scrolls of parchment were scattered around him, discarded like empty chocolate wrappers. He raised an eyebrow at being called by his name, but didn't speak of it.

"I think I know what we're missing." Sirius looked at him, eyes sparkling. Severus waited for him to reveal his grand epiphany.

Sirius was not discouraged by his lack of enthusiasm. "Nigrae radicae is contracted as a result of a spell combining with a potion, right? So maybe... Just a potion is not enough," he said, face aglow with the dawn of new possibilities and renewed hope.

"We need potion _and_ a spell," Severus said slowly. He watched Sirius' face break into a bright smile. Severus wouldn't have dreamed of such a smile coming his way from _Sirius Black._

In any case, Severus still didn't share Sirius' optimism. There were thousands of spells they would have to go through. Not to mention finding the right potion. But he was willing to admit that this was progress nonetheless. _Much needed_ _progress_. For almost two weeks, they had been relentlessly searching for a cure, barely sleeping if at all. Severus had already had to brew two cauldrons of Wideye Potion to keep the two of them awake during lessons.

Still frowning and looking hostile as ever, he looked at Sirius. _Really_ looked at him. This Sirius, with his obnoxious hair and those disturbing burns on his skin was the same one who had hexed him more times than he can even remember. He was the same disowned heir of the noble Black Family, the same boy who had, for years now, been more than obviously in love with Remus Lupin. But somehow he was different, too. 

And Severus would have been lying if he were to say that Sirius Black hadn't grown on him.


End file.
